I started a thread in AIBU on Thursday last week - can't link to it as I hid it eventually and can't find it now, but should be easy to find on a search as I don't post that much.
Basically I was told in no uncertain terms that IWBU about FIL turning up early to collect DS1 for a sleepover when I wasn't ready and asking him to wait 5 minutes. Fair enough, I apologised to him within the hour but didn't get any acknowledgment of my apology (which was by text).
ILs live a minute's drive from our house and DS1 has a sleepover there every Friday night, and occasionally he has extra ones in school holidays. ILs also help out with childcare for DS1 after school when DH and I are both working. We normally see them, if not every day, then 5 or 6 times a week.
On Friday DH spent most of the day helping FIL move pots in their garden as they were having their garden wall taken down and rebuilt on Tuesday. I went down with both DSs but left after a little while as there wasn't anywhere the boys could really play (they normally play in the garden, which was out of bounds because of the work) and I couldn't be of any help. Whilst I was there I didn't speak to FIL as he was in the garden busy with DH.
We didn't see them again until Monday, when we popped round in the afternoon after DH got up (shift work and he had been on nights so sleeping until 2pm) as the DSs were asking to see nanny and grandad. I was blanked by FIL and felt very uncomfortable, so said to DH (who was in the garden with MIL) that I thought we should go home as FIL was being nasty to the DSs (who are only 5 and 2). DH agreed with me, and when we got home said to me that if I wasn't welcome in ILs house, then none of us would go round.
Yesterday MIL popped in to our house in the early afternoon and stayed for 10 minutes. She said to DH that we shouldn't feel that we couldn't go round to their house. Later in the afternoon DH went round with the boys whilst I went briefly to the shops, but as soon as I turned up he came out of the house with DSs and said we were leaving (I didn't get through the front door).
MIL had told him about a couple of incidents which FIL appears to be dwelling on, relating to things I have done. The first of these was over a year ago when I went into the drawer where FIL keeps little sweets for the DSs to get something for DS2 and I got an absolute bollocking for doing that without him being in the room. I apologised at the time but apparently this incident has led to FIL feeling "not safe in his own home". The other relates to me going into their kitchen/diner when everybody else is in the lounge so that I can check my phone for emails (there is no reception in their lounge and very little in their kitchen, and I work shorter hours than others on the understanding that I will be available to read and answer emails for an hour or two after I leave the office).
If you're still with me, well done. This has taken me ages to type and, looking back, seems very trivial. BUT, it means a lot to me. DS1 is due to have a sleepover there on Friday (as he always does), and ILs were going to look after DS1 on Monday when both DH and I are working as school doesn't start until Wednesday.
I don't know whether to pretend nothing has happened and carry on as normal, try and confront FIL to ask him if he wants to discuss anything, or just stop going round there completely, which causes massive logistical problems once school starts again. I don't want to feel as though I am unwelcome in their house (and I love my MIL to bits - she is an absolute angel and I would hate it if I couldn't see her). I am quite prepared to be as I always am at their house but it just doesn't feel right. It may sound like a nothing issue to some people, but it's a real problem for me.
I have of course talked to DH, but the problem is that he is not one for discussing problems (a trait which all the men in his family have in common) and their response to an issue is either to sulk and not speak to anyone, or just to ignore it completely. His suggestion is to still go round but just not to speak to FIL, but that seems wrong to me as I will probably then get a reputation within the extended family (they are all very insular and live within 15 minutes' drive of each other) for being rude.
IF any of this makes any sense to you, and you have any ideas about what I can do to make things better, please tell me. Since Thursday it's been more or less the only thing I can think about, and it's really upsetting me that somebody I have known for 15 years is now not speaking to me over the smallest little thing when I have apologised, and it's causing repercussions amongst the extended family.