Advice re cheating husband & separation

[pinkstar1]

I wondered if anyone has any advice for my sister. I have recently found out her husband (of 10 years) has been cheating on her with a younger woman from his work for at least the past 2 years. My sister found out about the affair 2 christmases ago when she found text messages on his phone. He will not admit he is having an affair despite the fact he has been caught out and this has been going on ever since. They have tried counselling which has had no effect.
Since she found out about the affair he has treated her like a doormat & unpaid slave. He refuses to do anything around the house & is bone idle. They have 2 young children (aged 3 & 8) he is supposed to look after them for a few evenings each week whilst my sister works, instead he just goes to bed and leaves them to amuse themselves - the children are often not in bed when my sister returns from he work at 10pm.
They have a caravan and he refused to go with my sister and the children for their weeks holiday. My sister drove the car & caravan herself so the children would have a holiday. During the week away he did not phone or contact my sister or his children at all. When she returned home, it was obvious from the state of the house that he hadn't been there.
She has kept the situation secret from myself & our mum and dad as she hoped the marriage could be fixed. She has now reached the end of her tether and wants out.

She wants to leave him but what are her rights if she leaves the house? The mortgage is in their joint names. If they do separate what does he have to provide? He is the main breadwinner my sister has a part-time job as a careworker.

I have no experience of separation and do not know what to advise her to do. Is it better that she stays put despite the horrible atmosphere in the house - they do not speak to each other and he does nothing to help with the day to day running of the house or children - in fact he is so lazy he makes additional work for my sister, leaving her to clear up his mess.

What legal rights does my sister have with regard to the house, his income and the childrens well being? Are there things she should be doing before she leaves. Can she throw him out of the house?

Any advice would be appreciated as I do not know what is best for her to do first.

She needs to see a solicitor really. I'm glad she has decided to separate, he sounds awful.

Luckily he is not at all abusive. He is just mentally cruel & absolutely vile to my sister.

Any ideas of how to get him to leave or if she can throw him out would be appreciated.

She would love to leave but has no where to go (unfortunately I live too far away to help) and has no money to set up a home elsewhere.

She can simply ask him to leave but, if he refuses, this is when she needs to start the legal process. Many couples manage to sort out all kinds of things amicably like accommodation, finances and taking care of the children and only use a solicitor to rubber stamp the divorce papers at the end. But, if he's being deliberately obstructive, she will need legal advice right from the start, she may need court orders to get him to leave and it's probably going to get messy. Organisations like Women's Aid and CAB can be very helpful for women in your sister's situation.

As they are married, it is quite likely she will be able to force him out of the house and remain there with the children. She doesn't need his permission to divorce him. She should consult a solicitor straight away - lots give a free half hour consultation.

If he is "mentally cruel and absolutely vile" to your sister then I'm afraid he is abusive.

"As they are married, it is quite likely she will be able to force him out of the house and remain there with the children".
unless the law has changed... it is very hard to force someone to leave the house when they have as much right to live there as you!

I would also suggest your sister saw a solicitor asap, just so she knows her rights, also to find out what benefits she is entitled to.

MM: But in the case of abusive behaviour, the courts may well force the abuser out of the house. Also, when a relationship has broken down, depending on respective incomes, number and ages of children etc, the court may order one partner to leave the family home while the other remains in it. Or they may order the house to be sold and the proceeds divided.

She should be entitled to half the assets and the courts will want to make sure the dc have a roof over their heads and receive child support.

I think it'd be worth her asking him to leave, see if he goes. He might. Clearly he has somewhere to go if he didn't stay in the house while she was away.

But first step is to get some legal advice, get a step ahead, find out what benefits/tax credits she might get to help as a lp and get some wheels in motion.

he has chosen OW.

She must not leave the house, he must.

She must consult a solicitor now.

Ask her to come here and talk to us.