Suggestions for a small wedding for 26 people before my father passes away. Be very gratefukl for any ideas.

[secrethistory]

Hello and thank you for reading this.

My dad has been battling cancer for a few years but they have now said they can only offer pallative chemo. They can't operate and I guess we just need to make the most of our time. To be honest I was so shocked, when he was first diagnosed he looked ill and we all knew something was not right, this time he has looks so well, better than ever but they said its back and spread. Friday he finds out more.

Getting married has been on my list of things to do, our three girls ask all the the time. This afternoon my dad asked why don't we just do it. I know he would like it to happen and I am guessing he wants to be there. I of course want my dad to give me away.

Problem is we rent, have three children and do not have money for a wedding and if we did we would get a mortgage first. I am not bothered by having a big "do" and in an ideal world I would love a wedding dress and all my friends there but realistically this will not happen. I do not know how long my dad will be around so was thinking of doing it 23rd Dec which is my partner which is our anniversary of "I love you". :)

I am thinking of a small wedding with 26 people max, 8 are children. Just our immediate family. Registry office and a really love pub meal. We all play music so be great to find a pub that would allow a little jam session after. My dad is a musician and to have him play to me on our special day (if he can) would be wonderful. This idea is just something that came about since I spoke to my dad today so I do not know where to start.

If anyone can recommend a lovely registry office/pub then I would really appreciate it - thank you!

I went to one of the loveliest weddings i've been to for ages this summer. They had rented the village hall and got a pig in for food. If you couldn't afford a pig you could do your own catering. But you would be able to do any amount of your own gig/music. Very relaxed, very good fun.
Sorry about your dad though, very hard

thanks lels99

thanks everyone too, great suggestions. will google them all later after i have finished cooking. i need to keep the cost down as much as possible too.

just mentioned it to partner home from work now and he is not so up for it. he thinks it would be too low key and boring but there is no point in getting into debt.

whats more important is to have our special day with my dad and our family there.

Ooh,just thought of a pub that really fits the bill The Fox at Patching. A huge field for camping/marquee, tyre swing for the the kids plus other stuff (not plastic). Landlord does a fantastic spit roast-probably of whatever you want.
(The smell! I want to go there now!) and he's a good host.
His food is vv good.
Hope your Dad has good news. I'm in the first stages

secrethistory, I think what you are thinking about is a lovely thing, I know someone who did this and although it was near the end stages, it was a lovely day. However, I do slightly feel for your partner in all this, he isn't mentioned once in the original post, and you do say he's not so up for it. I totally get that you would like to do this but I also wonder if you are throwing yourself into this because it is something to do, and takes your mind of the very difficult times ahead. It is yours and your partners day and if he's not so keen, I think it could cause issues down the line.

I don't mean to sound negative, more to just encourage you to talk it through with him, about his wants and needs too, it wouldn't be low key and boring to me, but it is important that he's 100% behind the day too, even if it is to please you rather than completely what he would have chosen himself.

mumsyblouse - that is very true what you are saying. i totally agree. my partner is not into marriage anyway. he said he never wants to get married and i always said i did. he hates the idea of walking down the isle with loads of faces staring at you, wearing clothes you would never normally wear, reception with speeches, first dance, me in a big dress, the money etc... Over the years he has changed my mind too. i always dreamed of a big wedding like many girls. but recently i also changed my mind and we both agreed that if we did ever do it then it would be small and not over the top but an intimate occasion with close friends. but if we do this it will be even more intimate with no room for friends and just our families, children and nephews. i believe we will never get marries though if not now. our children really want us to be one unit. his reasons for not getting married up to now is money, being centre of attention and all the bits that he hates about weddings, suits, speeches, dances etc. But with all that taken away then it should be about us becoming husband and wife with our parents present. they wont all be around forever.

Give him some time to think about it. You have had this idea, to suddenly get married quickly, to involve your dad, your dad loves the idea, but you need to give your partner time to work it out. You know sometimes you rush up to people with your brilliant idea, and then are all crestfallen they don't feel the same way. But don't nag or bully him into it right this second. Just say how you feel, what you would ideally like to happen, but also reassure him that it has to be something that would work for both of you. He may have other worries, such as what if your dad takes a turn for the worse, that need to be explored.

Take it gently on yourself too, you are reacting to stunning and very upsetting news, it would be a shame for this to blow up when it is supposed to be a happy event and one to enhance your dad's life. Remember, he wants you to be happy, and that does include happy in your relationship, so keep the long-term goal of that in sight too.

As other posters have said I would select my location with regard to the promimity of where you father lives and his treatment centre.

I would also look to hold the event well before Christmas, not just for cost/booking/choice but also because sadly multiple chemo treatments take a toll over time.

Equally, you will want to share a many key events with your father and he will I am sure enjoy looking forward to these future milestones. As such I would avoid the tempation to roll the Wedding and Christmas into one long event (it may be too much for him to enjoy a wedding and Christmas within days of each other). Perhaps better to look forward to a Wedding in November and then have Christmas with the family to look forward to after that?

I went to a lovely small wedding a few years ago. The marriage was at the local registry office and was followed by a meal for "direct family" in a private room at a local restaurant. After this the bride and groom and direct family met friends/wider family at a very nice function room they hired in a local traditional "posh" pub (by this I mean not the local boozer but a nice country pub). The Deli down the road provided a lovely Italian buffet. All very understated but utterly perfect. Though thinking about it some folk music could have improved on perfection!

This sort of arrangement would allow you father to be at the wedding and family meal - but if he felt tired he could just stay at the pub for an hour or so, yet have fully embraced the whole day in the knowledge that home was close by.

Finally - I am so sorry to hear your news but I am sure that having a daughter who is obviously so loving and supportive will help your Father's resolve in the time ahead.

We married on 23rd December at 3 weeks notice by special licence and had a very small wedding.

Amongst the planning what you will come up against is the Christmas Meal bookings in restaurants and hotels.

So my advice would be to book asap. Lots will already be booked up. Some offices book the same restaurant year on year and its about now office party organisers start booking somewhere if they have not already, so bear that in mind when booking your reception. We also found that alot of places were only happy to cater a Christmas themed meni. We ended up booking buffet platters from Waitrose (which relatives collected for us on the morning of our 12.00 wedding) and had our reception at home with our close friends.

Infact you need to book early for everything with an Xmas wedding. Flowers - florists get busy at Xmas and your choice of actual flowers can be limited depending what you want. Its the same for hairdressers etc.

Xmas weddings are lovely but at 3 weeks notice I really had very very little choice and probably paid over the odds because alot of stuff was the only option so late in the day.

I dont mean to put a downer on it for you - it will be lovely. You just need to get your skates on if it is a December wedding.

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and really hope you get the special day you want with your Dad involved.

DH and I were in a similar situation - my sympathies are with you.

FWIW, like your DH, I didn't want a lot of fuss, expense, people staring, walking down the aisle, etc. We got married at the local register office, wore nice but not 'wedding' outfits, just had our immediate family there (about 10 people), and then went to a local restaurant for a meal. We'd hired a private room, and DM had sneaked in in advance and put fresh flowers on the table, which was lovely. It was extremely good value for money, and a very special day for us.

We then had a buffet for wider family and friends some months later, which was a general family party, a memorial service and an acknowledgement of our wedding all rolled together.

Thank you everyone.

I spoke to my partner tonight and he said we will wait to see what they say on Friday. If its not looking good as in months then he said he would be happy for a registry office/pub lunch for our family then at a later date we could hire a function room for a party with our friends and family.

I have decided against Christmas time too, like a few mentioned he maybe quite weak by then. I do not want it to be a sad occasion and I want him to be able to enjoy it too so the sooner the better I think.

So I think I will have a look closer to where we all live too.

I am not going to mention it to my partner now, I will let him think about it and hope he brings it up to discuss.

Secret that all sounds very positive. I didn't mean don't speak to him about it whatsoever, but just to allow him to think it through too. Perhaps as you say, once you know what Friday brings, you can start to think through some more concrete plans.

Take care, it's such a difficult time for you, lots of hugs (even though that isn't the 'done' thing here).

Good luck. Keep us updated, arranging last minute definitely lowers the cost. We paid less than half of what we would have, had we had longer to arrange. Hope you get a day special to you :)