feeling left out

[rockpaperscissors]

I moved to a new area 4years ago and thought I had made some new friends. Before too long I wasn't included anymore, felt like I was surplus to requirements as they were all friends before I came along.

I took it on the chin and thought I was making good friends with another mum, but feel she treated me quite badly at times as well, wouldn't hear from her for weeks sometimes and then she would be pally again for another while. The last insult was a couple of months ago when she was supposed to call on me and the kids for a day out, we waited in, she didn't show up and when I went round she'd already left. No excuses and no contact from her eitherfrom her since then. It waspretty hurtfull to say the least.

I'm beginning to feel like a social pariah now though and I'm pretty envious whan I see other mums out together. Everyone else seems to have friends round here but me. I like a good laugh and a chat and am pleasant to others but nothing develops into friendship. I miss having that. Can anyone share any insight into where I'm going wrong?

I don't suppose you're doing anything particuarly wrong except maybe expecting too much from casual acquaintances who are already in friendship groups of their own. Maybe widen your net a little by going beyond the school gate crowd and meeting new people with whom you have more in common than just children. Do you have any hobbies or interests, for example?

Haven't really got any hobbies outside the home due to lack of childcare/funds. Am also a sahm. It's a small town so options are limited. It's not much fun being on the sidelines all the time. Aware I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself now! But not sure where I go from here.

Create something perhaps? Set up a book group that meets at your home? Become a child-minder so that you have more money? Keep inviting people over, even if they've rejected you.... (helps to be a bit thicker-skinned sometimes)

Thanks will bear that in mind. Felt I was being used though, kept inviting them around for coffee and was only invited back once. All a bit one sided really.

People often are one-sided... especially in close-knit communities. Where I live is not a small town at all but there was a great big wedge of school-gate mums who had known each other since they were little kids and still lived on the same housing estate. They're not hostile or anything but anyone 'new' (and I've only lived here 21 years!!) or from a different housing estate wasn't part of the gang. LOL! Think you just have to keep being hospitable, hope new people move into the area or one good apple shakes out of the tree.

Hi OP, I completely understand where you are coming from. I think also that I'm a nice person, no social inadequacies etc but I always feel as if I'm on the 'fringe' of things rather than really involved.

People have let me down too and its hurtful not just for me, but the kids too. The kids don't understand that I am reluctant to ring up a friends mum and organise a trip out to the park when she never texted me back about something else...all petty but stings nonetheless. I always seem to be the one to initiate contact and to be honest, it all gets a bit much sometimes.

So while I don't have any constructive advice, I do understand how isolating it feels. Suggestions that are helpful about hobbies, joining groups etc are all very well and good but are not easily manageable esp when you have children, work etc. And if you're anything like me, people will be friendly but not want to take it further and after some time you just can't face the rejection anymore.

I cope by treasuring the few good friends I have, spending time with family and having a job I really enjoy. When the kids are with their dad and I've no-one to go out with/call up I do feel sorry for myself but I've resigned myself to the fact that it will always be this way for me.

Whereabouts are you OP? x

I answered a few personal ads on Netmums, hit it off with one woman and now see my friend most weeks. It was too early for NCT classes etc but I needed someone who understood why DH had suddenly got really annoying what I was going through.