Honest pros and cons of being single

[Nc4567]

I have never been single since I was 17, which is just over a decade go. I now have 2 dds, aged 5 and 2, with dh (six years with him, I had about two weeks between him and ex, but I pretty much left ex for dh)

So... Honestly.

Pros and cons of being single. This is not just to decide whether to s up, but also where I would live etc.

Pro's - pretty much everything

Con's - only one income

Agreed
:)

Personally, no emotional gamrs, no arguments, no man to lie to me, indult me, abuse me, cheat on me, emotionally string me along. Even steal those are the pros.

Cons, no man for practical jobs in hpusr, no cuddled.no sex, no mitual laughter, no money, doesnt see our child, no help in house or with child, mids male company.

If I can just get him out of my head eventhough it has been four years I be ok.

You did ask :(

How about pros not related to an ex? Ie is there anything within being single in itself that is good?

I have been single for the past 12 months or so......and I haven't been single since I was 14 (am now 40).

Pro's......as said by lubeybooby....pretty much everyting

Con's.....not having another adult to talk to when you come homefrom work, no-one to give you a big hug when you need it (I know my DC hug me all the time...but I mean a manly hug). Having the one income isn't a problem to me as i am financially much better off without my ex!

Pros.... genuine freedom, independence, not having to second-guess anyone or pander to their likes/dislikes. Total responsibility for everything you accomplish and therefore a great sense of achievement. Discovery of your own resourcefulness and skills rather than reliance on anyone else. Personal development.

Cons... Adult company has to be organised rather than there on tap. Holidays for singles are bizarrely tricky to find. Can be more expensive paying for babysitters, repairs or anything else your partner previously covered. It's also a very addictive lifestyle that you may be reluctant to give up for a new partner in time. :)

I have a severly disabled child, there are not many pros to neing single with ni family to support. Thst is a reality.

Ok then

Pros I get 24/7 care of my child.

Yipee

Here's what I miss about being single:

The freedom to do what I want without checking with anyone first

If I have a bad day I can spend the evening on the couch watching bad tv and eating crisps in my underwear

The whole bed to myself and uninterrupted sleep

Just more physical space to spread out and keep my stuff and it doesn't get moved or interfered with

Not cleaning up after another adult

Having more control over my emotions and feelings because no one else's moods and problems intrude

More time with friends, and in a way being a better friend because you can invest more time and listening

Flirting

I'm happily married but when we're having a big row and I'm miserable, these are the things I miss.

Pros- your time is your own. The mess is only yours/Dcs. You resent him less if he isn't there ( but con too- its easy to resent him for not being there for kids too). You dont have to pay for/cook things you don't like. You will be deserving of the lions share of pride for raising the dc ( if you do most of that, the thought of this reward keeps me going) you are free to find someone who is a better fit for you.
Cons- it is bloody hard and relentless ( my dc are 5yo, 23months and 5mnths I have them all the time apart from the odd day, no overnights with him). Its scary x1000 when dc are ill, I doubt myself more iyswim? Money is tight, I have to be very organised all the time or everything slips into chaos. Im worried about going back to work after mat leave, noone to discuss things with, friends can be way shitter at giving support emotionally than you'd ever have guessed
On the whole though, self respect is very important, I have that. If I get wnough sleep things always look better

Pros to being single: absolute freedom, about everything, all the time, how you spend your money, your time.

Pros to being in a relationship: these only apply to a good relationship, one where you feel safe, supported, understood, etc., and those are the pros, someone to share your day to day stuff, someone who's got your back, who you can share happiness with.

I was also always in a relationship. It took me years to leave a bad marriage, we weren't abusive, we really just didn't seem to like each much. In the end I decided being single, with all the unknowns, was a risk worth taking. 4 years later I settled down with a wonderful man, I would choose him over being single any day.

Pretty sure dh would want a lot of contact with the kids. Ideally 50% but practically I don't think that would work. A lot, though. Which has its own pros and cons.

I thought my ex would want to spend alot of time with his 3 DC after our split....and he did for a while....until his new GF came along and now he won't have them anymore than his designated w/end

Pros: not having to answer to anyone, you can go to bed at 7.30pm if you feel like it, lie around reading novels and not do the hoovering, no one cares except you. Doing things because you want to. Not having anyone around who can put you down and make you feel like shit.

Cons: Feeling lonely and unloved, not having anyone to help bolster your sense of self (although this is obviously only applies to a good relationship). Tackling the nightmare of dating. One income. Holidays tricky as a singleton.

Solesource you are amazing for going it alone. Hope things are tolerable for you, find respite wherever you can. Easier said than done!
Another con is people women who are all 'loved up' and basically you become an invisible person to them if you don't match their perfect family unit. This makes me because I do roughly a million % more 'familying' than them ( this is purely based on my own experience btw,not all couples!)
Con- it's hard watching ex living it up while I have to plan stuff waaay in advance etc.
Pro- I don't have to get upset when my expectations aren't met if I'm setting my own expectations, then its all down to me

More pros.... putting yourself #1 becomes the default setting and that influences your outlook on everything from work to friendships to ex partners. When there is only yourself it is quite natural and perfectly acceptable to be what others call selfish and what I call 'embracing self-reliance'. :) So what other people want (like contact with the kids) goes a long way down your priorities.

@Twopeas... The 'smug marrieds' that regard singletons as weirdos - especially ones that used to be chummy pre-break-up - simply save you the bother of having to pretend to be friends with them any more. Natural selection. :)

Pros: No one to answer to or make plans around!! One less lot of birthday and christmas presents No one to judge you, no need to worry about how you look of a morning. I dont have to worry about money they might spend or might not.

Cons: I miss night time cuddles, but thats what eeyore is for!

Unless you're in an utterly miserable or abusive relationship I can't think of many pros to being a single parent which is, after all, VERY different to being a single adult - mistress of your own time, money, home, etc.

@juneau... I've been a single parent since DS was born 12 years ago. Bed of roses, it ain't but there have been hundreds of pros. We have a very close relationship, for example. When he achieves something I get a vicarious thrill knowing I've been his main influence. No-one has ever seriously questioned my parenting decisions, major or minor. When he was a baby, there was no point in stressing that I was always the one getting up in the night etc... because there was no-one to delegate it to anyway. :) When you're 'it', you just get on with it best you can.

Lots to recommend it.

Pros: more freedom, more money, self-reliance and pride in own accomplishments, more time for fun hobbies and discoveries, living space clean, decorated and organised to own standards, no catering to the emotional and physical needs of another grown-up, or their mess.

Cons: social contact has to be organised, over and over, rather than being there on tap. No sex, cuddles, ready emotional support, or someone to tell about the random minutae of your day. No built-in travel buddy.

As my ex was abusive, I am definitely better off single, and enjoying it tremendously. But I would prefer the companionship and closeness of a worthwhile romantic partner to singledom.

I'll elaborate on my earlier post a bit.

I am enjoying my single life and single parent household so much I really can't see anything a man could add to it at this other than his income! It would be wrong to have anyone live with me just for that, plus I like my own space too much anyway so that's that.

Well, I say single - I have a boyfriend but we don't live together and it's quite long distance. Despite this we are managing to see each other weekly at the moment.

So I guess I have all the pro's of companionship, travel, emotional support, sex etc but none of the hassle. perfect really.

It's going to take serious perfection in a man and another good few years before I could consider anything else.

pros, you can watch whatever you want on tv, buy whatever you can afford with nobody passing judgement, you can invite friends over, you don't have to please anybody else, you don't have to consider another adult, you know what you have to do and get on with it; no waiting hopefully or resentfully for somebody else to do their 'share'

cons, raising children IS the job of a small team, and if you're doing it on your own it's going to hurt. i'm not co-parenting, my x contributes nothing so I'm BROKE and that is the biggest con.

another con, being or feeling excluded from the conservative two by two ness of scoiety. lots of people very friendly during the week, ykwim, but don't imagine you can socialise with 'Us' when it is just you. lower case y. Upper case U. That as somebody has said is natural selection.

cogito yes it is natural selection I'm better off without the perfect picture painters anyway, I'd bet my grannys gold tooth it isn't always such a beautiful love-in behind closed doors
And you've explained it perfectly saying the hard bits aren't always that hard if there's noone to delegate to. I spent 80% of time with ex either asking him to do more or being upset he wouldn't do more. Now I just crack on. Problem solved, feels good to be less lazy and more efficient too.

Lots and lots of pro's, not as many con's but I think its a massive decision to make and you have to weigh up the pro's and con's for leaving too!

I've just my first single birthday since our split and bought myself EXACTLY what I wanted.

I also love decorating the house as I please.