MIL is for MONSTER In Law....

[bubblez]

I really didn't want my first thread to be a rant but please tell me am I the only one who is unfortunate enough to have a true MONSTER in law??

Ok I dealt with the 'trapping my son' comments, and took the conversations that had the, 'my sons an angel and could do better' undertone (when he clearly is not an angel) with a pinch of salt. I even tried to handle the MIL's assumtions, 'she's not good mother material, she'll get depressed', with poise and control of my tounge. All this and she is not even my official 'in law'.

But really, how much is enough??

Sunday, MIL fancied greek food, (im greek, MIL and DP are not) of course i was asked to pick the restaurant. I went for quality and informed her that it would be a lil exp (btw she can more than afford it). After askin for a translation of the menu and cussing the restaurant she ordered, the food came and in true Monster in law fashion she 'hated' it and made it clear (obviously my fault for not giving an accurate description of all the ingredients). She then proceeded to point out a female waiter to my dp and comment on how pretty she is and how she is 'much prettier then the greek you have'. Now im no greek goddess but IMO im not a dog either and that just felt uncalled for. At the end of the meal she insisted on paying the lions share (even though she didnt need to) so how can I be mad at her without feeling bad...?!?

Her other favourite things to do are saying the complete opposite to me (if i think something is right its wrong), snapping (very loudly) at me in public (like i am 4 not 24 and one of her children), taking her ds side even if he is being blatently out of order, and doggig my relationship at every given op. (then she'll be extra nice so i dont feel like i can moan)

For a year her ds didnt want to see her cos of an argument and if it wasnt for me they still wouldnt be talking, now i regrett helping out.

Is it only me that goes through this??

I try to respect my elders but when is enough, enough??

Wait until she starts sending you several metres of elastic as your one and only Christmas present. That's the mark of a really loopy MIL.

There's one thing about it - we have brilliant role models on how NOT to be when we're MILs ourselves

Feel for you bubblez and I know exactly how you feel. Dh gave his mother a key to our house when we moved in. While we were both at work she would let herself in and leave little notes in the fridge or the drawers or on his pillow for when he got home. Wanted to kill her! Quite often would hear her say to dh whilst hugging him tightly. "There's no love like a mothers love." I just hope she doesn't love him the way I do.

We've been married eight years now and I thought things were better. Got a phone call last week while out shopping with depressed sister. Are the boys okay? Yeah, fine. Just wondered because your house is a death trap. WTF? You've got things all over the floor and the stairs.... Sorry, going through a tunnel. Can't hear you!

She's never forgiven me for getting dh to move in to a house with me. Of course we did wait until they were on holiday and she came home to an empty house! Chalked one up for myself that day. She sobbed for months everytime she phoned and I just started deleted the answerphone messages as soon as I heard her voice. If I got home from work before dh I would scourer the house for notes and bin them.

i have the opposite prob my mil slags of dp all the time and expect me to agree with her. cant stand to be in the same room as her

Oh Bubbelz, if anyone goes out of there way to be that rude it is because they are jealous of you.

All these tales of MIL make me laugh out loud, Blimey makes my MIL seen compleely normal and kindley . BTW when my calm composed best friend met my MIL she wanted to slap her

bubbles, she's a horror all right. I'd be inclined to chum her to the loo and in good-old grange hill fashion smile in a superior fashion and let her know that you are well aware of her game and that it doesn't bother you one bit because you wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire and waste good urine and that you only see her out of pity. After all, what a shame to be a lonely, spiteful old moo face. She can say what she likes and you keep smiling through it.

I find smiling in a sympathethic way as if she was senile works for me . My MIL loves to be ill and has been practically dead a few times over. I let her revel in it and then use it as an excuse not to visit. "Oh she can't possibly babysit, her Parkinsons disease is so bad (she doesn't have Parkinsons) she can't even hold the camera (her words). "Her blood pressure is dangerously high, we shouldn't go round and make it worse".

With every due respect, she's an old, crabbit, skanky, witch and deserves to go to much more expensive restaurants. If she doesn't like the food, you get to try it and you can say that she really needs to keep up because its where "such and such" goes and has been voted best ....... Or maybe she's traditional and set in her ways.....

Don't call, don't visit, make her do all the contact and make her feel like you're doing it because she wants to.

The waitress thing made me MAD. You are a saint.

I don't have a house or a car or any money at all or even any kids - they all belong to DP. I'm a mere amoeba.

www.motherinlawstories.com

My mil disowned us after we were planning on buying a house which happened to be near my mum.Shes jealous about her gs seeing more of my mum then her yet shes cuts all ties with him too hes only 16mths. We havent spoken in 6wks now. If only I knew that was all I had to do to get her out of our lives lol But for some reason i still feel that i should be the one trying to sort it out between her and dh. But the womens never gonna change, she will never see she is in the wrong so how can you make it work unless you are will to put up with their manipulative and controlling ways.

My MIL has never seen DD (3.4) because I accidentally offended her by going out one afternoon when she was visiting.

That's the second grandchild she's never had contact with. Evil witch.

OMG Ladies, that's awful!! I hope these problems sease as time goes by... But let me be vile myself... these MIL's are not eternal!!! They will be gone soon! :)

I have a MIL from hell who undermines my parental authority at every opportunity.

I had banned DS1 from using his bike as he had deliberately destroyed his crash helmet (screwdriver in the polystyrene could NEVER be accidental , tried to say rats had eaten it. Silly boy!!!!) just before he was due to stay with the GP's for a week. I found out the next day that she had gone out and bought him, not only a new crash helmet, but a new bike FFS!! DS now thinks money grows on trees

I have also had the "you could better than her", "you will promise to see me at least once a week won't you", then crying hysterically when we had to relocate 100 miles away for work to everyone she meets, saying what a nasty DIL she has when it was DH's job that moved, not mine.

She also used to say things like "don't know why she had a baby when she works all day and dumps them at nursery". Then when I gave up my good job to move for DH and started to work part time from home I am called a "lazy bitch expecting (DH) to keep her"

Oh, and there is not one single picture of me in their house, and one that did have me in was cut down so that just DH and DS could be seen.

DH never picks up on the spiteful barbs either. I put it down to a combination of it going over their heads and them reverting to little boys when ever their DP's are near. I have come to the conclusion most men revert to mental age of 5 when they are with their mums.

What goes around comes around though. MIL broke her femur 2 days after buying the bike and upsetting me (and no, i didn't put pins in a wax doll).

I don't get the name calling and such like; her ways are far more subtle and shrew like. The main problem though is that her whole family unit are like this, they are (with the exception of my DH primarily because he got away from them as soon as he could) all dysfunctional.

She is very much a name dropper and would go to the opening of any envelope if the Mayor was present. Her husband (mostly harmless) is just the same. She always says to my son that you can come and play with your lego models next time you're here (he could make something out of lego but she'll never let him leave with it).

She's very controlling and thinks the world of her sons (she has to an extent lived through her boys). When my mum first met her it was, "oh my son this, my son that".

Nowadays she is very much dependent on her other son (who is now 42) and still lives at home. Those two together are well creepy. Being without any form of full time employment his role is to ferry her around to the chiropractor as and when needed due to fracturing her femur some months back (that was due to her husband knocking her over but that's another story). They eat lunch together regularly without husband, her husband has been basically sidelined.

God i feel so sorry for you all, my MIL is lovely she treats me like a daughter [only has my dh] always buys me things more than her own son, only complaint that i do have which seems wrong is that she seems to be more my ds1 who is 31/2 [who she saw born] and i do think my other ds knows it [he is 2 next wk]

mandieb what a great website you found \link{http://www.motherinlawstories.com/index.htm\Terrible MILs site}

That website is brilliant! I'm on there all the time! It's a great place to vent and all the ladies give really good advice.

mother in laws ....hell on earth!!!! dont start me on sister in laws !!!!!

arrgh .......

My MIL got *d off with me so climbed into bed with my ds who was 2 - she then started weeping and telling him nobody loved her. Poor baby didn't know what to do and said "but bob the builder loves you". I could have wrung her neck.

PML at "bob the builder loves you"

My MIL told me when I was pg that my dp (as he then was) and I should get married pronto as "what would happen to the baby if you died? And (dp) wouldn't have anywhere to live as the flat is in your name" . Got back at the old bitch by saying that flat was sorted as all sensible people made wills (I know she still hasn't!) Baby thing still upsets me though

Later, kept pestering me about getting married, finally saying "there's money in it for you" and telling my SIL how much they would give us!

Also makes me very angry as she clearly prefers DD to her other grandson who is adopted. She has repeatedly said to my SIL that she was worried about what sort of child they would get given if they adopted and that she should just keep trying to have a baby herself. This was after 7 years, 3 failed IVF cycles and 1 miscarriage !

She also makes me cross as she can be utterly vile to my DH. She has told him that she regretted having children and has never said that she loved him. They used to shake hands when they met for many years! My family are all over each other like a rash so this formality is very strange for me.

god that's feel better to get this off my chest. Thank you!

We chose my yonger brother to be DD1's Godfather. He has a son from a relationship which he is no longer in. The IL's (who were annoyed that we hadn't chosed their other son) told me that we were asking for trouble choosing a godparent who had a "b***d child - what sort of role model will he be?" I was furious - this was my nephew they were talking about. Had major row and didn't speak for ages. I got the last laugh tho - their other son's girlfriend announced she was pregnant soon after - their dd is 2 and they are still not married! I have that little pearl stored for the next time they are mean.....

My ex (thankfully) MIL told my ex that she didn't think our son was his, in front of me.
Didn't speak to me for 3 years after I had her son arrested for violence against me and when I recently gave birth to my son with my new partner she kept asking my other two if his name was Damien (with ref to the Omen) My children didn't understand what she meant which made me even more angry for her using them in that way to get to me! Witch!

My MIL has had her moments, but has usally been quite good, that is until last night. My DH is away for 4 months. Last night was parents evening, so one of my Dh's workmates (male) came round to sit with the kids for an hour. We have known him for years, he was one of the first people i met when we moved into our first MQ, and he is great. His only fault is he is a bit of a Jack the Lad, with 3 kids by different women.
Last night, whilst i was out, she called our house, and accused Dh's mate of trying to have an affair with me, and called him all sorts of names, even asking what kind of a man agrees to babysit for a woman on her own and then said he was a pervert!!
To make matters worse, she then called me later to
A) Ask if Dh knew that his mate had been round
B) To check that the mate had left - he had
C) To tell me i was an evil woman for leaving my kids with someone they didn't know ( my kids have known him since they were babies), and that anything could have happened to them, and she then said that i was obviously wanting an affiar with this guy as i wouldn't have asked himn to babysit otherwise.
Then she emailed Dh and told him that he should apply for compassionate leave and come back to sort me out!

The woman has obviously lost the plot. Quite mild compared to some of your MILs i know but i am really upset. Makes her turning up with food hampers (cos i don't feed my Dh or Ds!) and bottles of bleach seem mild.

saltire, that is exceptional!!!! my god, yourmil is mad!

mine is just annoying generally!

Heck, what a lot of monsters there are around, but least non of you has a MIL who is a member of Opus Dei and lectures you on how distraught she is that her grandchild is confined to hell as we have refused to have her baptised (we have actually had a naming ceremony for her!)

She has also discussed my parenting "flaws" with her priest, for goodness sake that is taking it too far!

What a load of loonies! Saltire what has your DH said?