Why are men weird and have we asked for it?

[Louise28]

Ok - if you wanna join in my solo rant chat feel free coz I wanna - hear from you ladies about all this!!!
In a nutshell - i am a 28 yr old, single, attractive woman who for some strange reason is finding it hideously difficult to find a "normal" man!
I hit brick walls all the time - for example lastest man I met was 30 - no ties - good job, own house, car etc and yet right from the start it was these horrible destructive mind games - i don't want a serious relationship, I've been hurt - all women are evil etc etc - so in other words yet another selfish prick who wants his cake and eat it - i.e gets to keep his big batchelor lifestyle but has me on the side who he thinks he can see once a month for a night out and sex attached to it then I get dropped off the next day only to be seen again when it suits him! I mean come on - why are guys like that now! I find it very depressing and it really buggers you're self esteem levels up! Has anyone else experienced this? As a result I am becoming dreadfully cynical, mistrusting and lost all motivation to ever want a relationship as what's the point?
Ideas or comments would be fab???
:(

Remember that song "didn't know I was looking for love until I found you" found it to be quite true.

I met DP when I was being messed around by another man who just wanted me "when he felt like it" prior to him I had a relationship with a guy who was a total areshole and was seeing anyone he could behind my back but then DP came along and he was totally different to that, he really cared about me as a person and wanted to make me happy. At first I found it quite off putting and so I treated him fairly badly but then I got pregnant to him and he was absolutely ecstatic!!! It was then I realised that this man really did care about me and wanted to look after me and our child and I then gave him a chance, things just got better and better and I fell in love with him very gradually.

We are still together 7 years later and have 2 children. He's my best friend and still treats me with the respect I feel I deserve and knowing what I know now I would never disrespect myself by going with a man who didn't treat me as "his equal".

Another quote from a song ".....sometimes the very thing your looking for, is the one thing you can't see".

Am sure there is a right man out there for you Louise

crazydazy - awww that is such a lovely story - my gos i would be thrilled to meet a man who actually wanted to get to know me and treat me nicely - isn't it sad how we put up with any less and feel grateful foe being treated decently! does give you faith though so thanks for sharing that - hey we're all starting our little bonding village here! Seriously though just reading some of these comments has lifted me already - I have not contacted latest loser since sunday (the last time i saw him after spending my monthly visit there - lucky me!)- was very off hand with him when he rang me on monday night (he couldn't wait to get off the phone ha ha and never rang me back!) and not heard since - so will be leaving it! Decided to have a 6 month break from men in general - may do me world of good! :)

Good idea, am sure he will find you, you seem like a nice girl and deserve a nice guy.

Good luck.

Louise, the thing to remember about men is they have half a chromosome less than women. The y chromosome is much smaller than the X and that is why they are prone to so many genetic desieses. Unfortunately, I suspect the 'common sense' gene, the 'emotional maturity' gene and the 'sensitivity' gene are all on the X chromosme. Hence the lack of such in many men.

They are prats, they can't help it, they're genetically inferior. The best thing to do is to try and breed these traits out of the population by having nothing to do with the twits who can't see past the end of their own dicks.

Here endeth the lesson in slug's theory of male genetic incompetence.

Slug - ha ha ha I love it :o - yeah I agree - it's just such a shame that men have to be so lousy and thoughtless - i mean you can bet you're life in it that while we sit around beating ourselves up and torturing over what we have done to deserve treatment like this....they are either sitting in the pub, watching the footie or generally just getting on with life - I do envy them that - life is so simple to them - sex, beer, football erm cars and that's your lot!
I agree with one comment about needing a wanker radar - I intend to place one "theoretically" on my head and make damn sure i wait for mr right - better to have nowt than a head wrecker! i mean - who invented these damn mind games anyway....

Louise, I wish life was as simple as cars, beer and football, but have a read of my post here for another perspective from a mans point of view-lol

we do beat ourselves up.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=151333&stamp=060306012019

anyway, keep the rader up, there is somebody out there who will fit what you want

vstt - god i'm glad you posted your message on this very interesting topic - my solo rat sure has kicked off some great theories etc... I read your threads - the pain you ate suffering right now inside must be horrendous - my situation is of course completely different and nowhere near as traumatic as I am single and have no kids...my hurt and anguish comes simply more from my own past and the scars it has left me with as an adult...my poor choice in men who only hurt and use me to re-affirm how little i was wanted by my own father... the isolation of wondering whether i'll ever meet anyone man enough to want me for me and not an act they see when they first meet me... my protective party girl image i call it... to first meet me you would think I was the most happy go lucky sociable character...inside I'm completely empty!
I hope you come out of your pain the otherside - i would say to you as I have had said to myself on so many occasions but by god it's true... time really does heal xxxx

louise thanks for the kind words, alas i have just discovered that she has slept wirh a couple of guys this week, boy I tell you what it is so easy for ladies to find someone to sleep with if they decide to.

I guess that tells me that it is over, completely.

vstt

louise, if this guy only wants to see you once a month, that could suggest you are a bit on the side, you are probably better off not seeing him at all.

Self esteem is an important issue here and you may subconsciously be attracted to the type of guy who will give you a hard time, not treat you with respect.

You could try to reprogram yourself and give the nice guy a shot, the trouble is the nice guy may not interest you initially.

jmg1 - yeah that is my thinking too - thing is this week i am doing really well & feeling much brighter and now I'm moving on - mr latest loser is ringing and texting me ha ha - nice to be int he position of not caring anymore tho - still having my man sabatical & just concentrating on myself now!
vstt - i guess cheating & hurting people knows no gender - women can be just as ruthless as men - it just seems to me the nicer and more honest you are with the people - the more they piss on you from a great height - but i'm starting to believe what goes around comes around & in the end like attracts like :)

Louise, maybe so, but in our case we were together 20 years, so I guess that she isn't bad as such, but has just moved on completely.

Maybe the boredom factor has a role to play here.

In your case yes don't stand for crap treatment, because if nothing else it only sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.
Any decent person would understand that you have a right to be treated with respect.

It really is simple.

I understand what Jmg1 is saying, I know many of us ( me in the distant past) couldn't help being attracted to the wrong type, it seemed like the decent reliable type seemed boring.

I guess as we grow up we realise that there is nothing wrong with being decent and respectful.

Best
vstt

vstt - True - to be with someone for 20 years then to have it wrenched away from you so quickly must be mind blowing - i was with my ex for 6 years - we split 3 years ago and I can honestly say it took me nearly that time to fully accept and move on with my life - so in all honesty you are in for a hell of a time - but my feeling now is that I survived and came out the other side learning a valuable lesson - this experience with my latest loser shows that I have learnt from my mistakes and I'll finish something early on if I truly believe it is not right for me - a lesson well learnt.
I do wish you all the best and would love for you to keep in contact thru your progression of all this
xxxxx

PS Quick update - had a lovely quiet and relaxing weekend - not thought about mr loser at all and heard nothing from him - resulting in a clearer mind and more focused thoughts for the future! :)

louise Thanks for your kind words, to tell you the truth I don't think i will survive this, I will put on a front for the kids, but I am lost.

Just be careful who you give your heart to, from where I'm sitting now the old saying " better to have loved and lost, than never have loved" seems like complete b##lox.

vstt

vstt - annoying when people tell you that - I'm neutral on that one - to experience true love must be fab - not something I have ever had with a man - crap always gets in the way and ruins it before it's even begun (be it on my part or theirs) - but to even have it for a while I suppose is better than to have never experienced it at all - even if it does come to end.

I just wonder how on earth you are supposed to find true love these days when we live in such a throw away society - no one seems to make an effort any more - i feel personally as a woman I can't win - sleep with a guy early on and they think you are a tart and use you or dump you - don't sleep with a guy early on and they think you're hard work or frigid and dump you anyway! Crazy! Must say I am far happier at mo doing nothing - I'm keeping life simple at the mo - get up go to work come home and chill, then a relaxing out for a few drinks weekend - may sound bit dull but it's just what I need right now - no head wrecking games!
Latest loser has been in touch last few days - to be honest I pity him he sounds sad and messed in the head - such a shame relaionships have come to this - I most certainly am staying on my own for now! :)

Louise, actually it sounds like your life is not dull at all, You have control of what you are doing and enjoying it.

Funny thing is, your more likely to meet the right person living your life the way you want than chasing around.

I can't beleive all guys are the way you say, if they are these days, then they probably need to grow up a little.

best

vstt