am I oversensative?? be honest (but not too brutal!)

[MrsUnitedNationsZone]

ok, have changed name but u can work it out, (i'm a regular but DH knows my log on but I need a serious vent) please tell me if u think i'm being over sensative and neurotic or anything cos i'm feeling a bit sensitive right now! (so be gentle)

we have PIL stopping with us right now for a week, (came on sat) DS was born 20 day's ago first grand child so is getting spoilt a bit - now for my issues.

they came on sat and DS was unsetteld after the whole cuddles etc thing so he was cuddled to sleep on in the night. (we've just given him a dummy for evenings only - literally) anyhow DH cooked tea all was OK, then sunday came and the fun began - my M/W has encouraged my BF, along with us getting DS to sleep independantly - ie in his crib during the day for naps not in the front room in his bouncer as he was getting unsettled in his crib at night. anyhow. DS woke in the night about 4/5 times and didn't settle at his 3am feed but that's another thread.

DH then told me i'm not ment to BF on demand for DS, as DH was bottle fed every 4 hours and he's ok - even thou I BF on demand per my M/W to keep my supply etc going. i was also then told that DH/BIL slept in their boucers during the day and it never did them any harm - que DH to get the bouncer out and put him to sleep in there - (I tried the crib but he wouldn't settle - apparently he 'wanted company and noise cos he was scared of missing something' - WTF???

anyhow he was fed at 3 (in the afternoons he feeds every 2 hours) and during dinner he cried again - all I said was what's the time?? and I had 3 voices (PIL and DH) say he's not hungry he doesn't want feedin he's lonely - I know my son's cry and that was his hunger cry. anyhow DH changed his bum , played with him winded him, them MIL took him away, I took a call, and then came down to a sheepish DH telling me he thinks DS want's feeding - my reply - I know he does that's his cry. so he fed lovely for 30 mins - 1-0 me.

anyhow since then a dummy has been shoved in his mouth at every oppertunity when he grizzles even thou I've expressly said I don't want him to have it all the time as it's interfering with his latching on etc. and he's bopping on/off worse than when he was first born. so today what do I come down and see - DS with MIL trying to put a dummy in his mouth

so basically am I being over sensitive of not? I want DS to be in good habits and i'd like a semi routein ie bed time and some naps etc but that's impossible right now. DH goes away nexst week so i'm going to try and get DS into a rough routein. i'm so annoyed that it feels like my aprenting skills don't matter - the H/v came yesterday and I could have kissed her for saying in fornt of MIL i'm doing brilliantly. (cos at the mo every time he crys MIL is rushing in to 'resuce' him. and he's her baby!) every time he cry's i'm on tender hooks cos she's watching my every move. I can't say anything to DH thru fear of upsetting him.

my parents are down this w/e so we'll see if things improve!

Ah - feeling for you hun (won't let on who you are!!) I don't think you are being over sensitive at all. He is your baby and things have changed a lot since mil had dh!

Keep doing things your way and ask your dh to back you and the hv up, it is hard enough with your hormones without any more stress.

Hide all dummies except put the one you want to use for night in your pocket! You are doing a sterling job on keeping the breastfeeding up and should be proud of yourself.
It is hard to broach some of these sensitive issues I know but you can be strong for ds's sake. (my sil and I are in middle of going through the new guidelines to protect babies against second hand smoke with our mum & mil - much fun!!)
Good luck xx

I'd 'drop' something on the smokey blanket - a bit of choclate or something and then - oh no - I'll have to wash it now!!

You're definitely not being oversensitive. I'm afraid I would've throttled someone by now - probably dh for not standing up to his parents.

It sounds to me as though you're doing a great job with little ds. Don't let them try to persuade you otherwise. :)

I think this is SO normal and not oversensitive at all. All your cavewoman instincts and hormones are kicking in to look after your gorgeous new boy and feel your way to doing the very best for him and everyone should be rallying round you to support that. If they are more hinderance than help they should BUTT OUT. Dh is skating on v thin ice failing to support you over his parents, I think. Hope things improve when they all go.:)

I agree with everyone who say's it's your baby and do what you want. Don't listen to them, they all sound very mean for putting you under pressure!
I refused to have dd's family staying when dd2 was a few months old.
FWIW though, i'm with WWW on the 'give yourself a break' type feeling about routines. I wouldn't worry about what you're doing now having an effect when he's 6 months old, take each day for what it is and i think routines will follow. Not having a go there honest but i think you're being very hard on yourself+++

Routines not worth establishing yet IMO.

BUT what is definitely worth establishing is that you are this little boy's mother and your ILs need to know this. If you were putting him in harm's way, they'd have a right to interfere. You're not. Therefore they can butt out.

As for DH...he needs to support you.

I would tell DH that if he can't support you, you don't want the ILs to stay again.

Invest in a sling and wear DS in it - that way they can't grab him. There's loads of info about the benefits of babywearing for both mum and baby - if you don't like it, you only need to do it when the ILs are around

thanks again for all ur support girls, it means so much to me, fter a horrible day today - well night and I've been asleep most of the day i've fed DS twice and he's been taken off me after both times now i'm starting to feel like all i'm good for is feeding him and thats it. I've told DH my views on the dummy and got rather upset this morning esp as DS sucked on the boob and caused red marks - it's hurting feeding him now as much as it did when he was born. i'm getting so down about that cos the feeding was going really well - but I am NOT giving it uop and giving him a bottle, even thou i'm sure MIL would prefer this as then she could also feed.

and is it me or should babies not be plonked in front of the telly?? am I odd thinking they should be talked to/sang to??

anyhow, can hear him crying so off to prise him off MIL to feed him and have a nice cuddles b4 bed time with him - althou all day he's been asleep on someone so lets see what happens tonight. (also can hear him being played with - again is it odd to think that once bed clothes r on it should be quiet cuddles b4 a bed time feed and the bed?)

also DH now supporting the no dummys thing and has told MIL this - but can hear him sucking now so I bet a dummy's in his mouth - after all it's only 'something in his mouth when he sleeps' isn't it

aw bless I really feel for you, I'm lucky I only live in a smallish house (just big enough for me, dh and our lovely dd) so there would be no chance of any extended family staying here (unless they wanted the sofa!!) just think they aren't going to be there forever and think of how bliss it will be when they've gone

I think that you should be firm on the things that really matter (no dummy, no scheduling of feeds in these early days) and don't be over-precious about them playing with him. He is tiny, they are his grandparents - of course they want to cuddle him and play with him.

A bit of TV isn't the end of the world either - yes, babies should be talked to and sang to, and it's not ideal for such a tiny one to be plonked in front of the TV - but it was a one off and won't have done any lasting damage.

If you are on edge about every little thing they do, you'll cause yourself problems in the future.

I really don't see the bedclothes on/still playing thing as huge - your baby won't have any clue what bedclothes are for months yet - there's plenty of time when your ILs have gone to establish a routine.

Throw the bloody dummies away too!