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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What makes a good dad?

33 replies

GemsAngels · 28/08/2012 12:41

I was wondering if I could get some other opinions.
My soon to be ex thinks hes an amazing dad and says it all of the time. He says he has our 2 daughters more than most and pays too much maintenance.
I always say to people he is a good dad as I compare him to my own, who was semi non existant during my upbringing.
My friend thinks that my soon to be ex husband is a selfish pig and is not a good dad.
When he left to live with his new gf he continued to see our 2 daughters but not my eldest who isnt his daughter but has bought her up as his own from the age of 3. He is all she has known.
Before I say what he does as a dad or how much he pays I would really appreciate what you all think makes a good dad and how much he sees them, how much involvement he has in their lives. As I havnt had a very 'normal' upbringing, I dont know what normal is.
His answer to my questions are, your a single parent now, deal with it, Im busy, ask your mum.

OP posts:

s0fedup · 28/08/2012 18:45

i do agree storm but its not like he is a sahd who does it all day every day, he works long hours, often doesnt see kids except for weekend so i would think a bit of effort from him is not alot to ask...

perfectstorm · 28/08/2012 18:53

Oh, a parent who doesn't make an effort is a crap one, don't get me wrong. I was just rather gloomily thinking of my own day, in which pretending to enthralled interest in the Duplo was a highlight, not defending a parent who doesn't bother. (And DH is much better at that type of thing anyway, because he doesn't, as you say, have to do it so much.)

s0fedup · 28/08/2012 19:02

i baked a pie with dcs today... i am not patient when it comes to flour...

LittleSugaPlum · 28/08/2012 20:29

If you haven't seen a solicitor, you may not be aware that he is financially responsible for her, too, under the Children Act, if her biological father isn't in the picture/is unable to contribute. Could you please tell me where you have got this information from?

perfectstorm · 28/08/2012 21:33

My Cambridge University family law lecturer, a woman called Mika Oldham.

Admittedly this was a decade ago, and it also depends how long the person has been a step-parent, but it was an eye-opener to most of us. Certainly not heard that anything has changed.

I had a quick Google: rightsandremedies.blogspot.co.uk/2009/04/when-does-step-parent-have-to-pay-child.html - it isn't an official law site so obvs should be treated with caution, but that's pretty well what I recall being taught. CSA can't do anything, but the Children Act (? I think?) can. Though it seems the limitation period after ceasing to live as a family is only a year, so perhaps not much use to the OP, after all?

perfectstorm · 28/08/2012 21:38

Post in legal, BTW, is always your best bet with any family law queries. The practitioners there'll always be able to advise as to up-to-date law.

perfectstorm · 28/08/2012 22:10

Oops, that site isn't even English (Canadian, after a further explore - I tried to restrict the Google search to UK only, so didn't check further, sorry) so the limitations won't be at all relevant. Ask on legal what the current position is?

The horrible case that has stuck in my memory was a man who thought his kids were his - wife left, turned out they weren't. As their step-parent he was still liable to support them under the CA. That did seem harsh, tbh. But the OP's child is a really different situation. It could be worth finding out, at least?

perfectstorm · 28/08/2012 22:32

Sorry to post again - wanted to ensure I wasn't getting anyone's hopes up forlornly - Manches are a very reputable firm, and their factsheet (scroll down to near-top, right column, 5th page) says:

[[http://www.manches.com/Content/Resources/files/Financial-Provision-for-Children-Nov-2011.pdf Step-children - The courts may make maintenance
or other orders with respect to a step-child who is a ?child of the family?, that is a child whom the stepparent has treated as their own child. The court is to consider in such cases whether the step-parent has assumed any responsibility for the child?s maintenance, and if so, the extent to and basis upon which they have done so, and the length of time for which they did so. It will also consider whether the person knew that the child was not his or her own, and the liability of the child?s natural parent to maintain the child.]]

As the sheet is dated Nov. 2011, the law doesn't appear to have changed hugely. Hope that is useful.

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