Would you be suspicious of this?

[DoubtingTina]

DH told me 3 weeks ago he had to go on a training course for work (away from home). This is not all together unusual. He does go on work courses from time to time.

What I do think is odd though is the fact he is on the course now - today a bank holiday Monday.

We (DH, me and the DC) spent Friday and Saturday night with friends about an hour away from where he is doing this course but on our way home. So last night on our way home I actually dropped him off at his hotel. There was a car park charge if you stayed more than 20 minutes and it was getting late and I had a 3 hour drive home, so it was literally a case of dropping him off and driving away without going in. So he is staying there until Friday.

He says he does not need a car as some other bloke from his work place was driving the firms car up from where we live as he is also doing the course and this bloke and him will drive the car between them to get to the place where the course is being run every day and then drive home together at the end of the week. The bloke he refers to is not someone I know but the name is vaguely familiar.

DH has form for a spate of serial cheating in quite an underhand way about 5 years ago. Since then we have come close to splitting and close to making it all good again and alot inbetween. Its been a rocky road and utterly shite at times.

Something is just not sitting right with me about this. The bank holiday thing is making me think he is spinning me bullshit.

I did question why the course was being run on a bank holiday and he just shrugged and just said "dunno, just is" kind of reply. I have seen some paperwork from his company that said the hotel was booked by the works office etc so I do beleive he is on a course this week but wonder if he booked himself an extra night (last night).

I have just made myself a cuppa and opened the fridge for the milk and think one bottle of wine is missing from the rack at the top. I am not 100% sure of this (dont count my bottles of wine - it just looks empty in the middle when I know its usually full) but I know we did not take wine with us at the weekend - because we forgot and had to stop off and get some enroute to our friends Friday evening. This has now got me wondering.

So sorry I have gone on a bit, I didnt mean it to get that long. I have been very pissed off with DH the past few weeks as he did not book any annual leave during the school holidays and child care/amusement of the DC etc has all fallen to me (not an issue as I am unemployed atm) but relations have been a tad more strained between us. Am I being paranoid or would ypou doubt too?

Well he has form so I would say you are not 'paranoid'.

At the same time I think it could be innocent. I have worked over bank hols before if it has been required.

Ok, yes with his form I would not feel confident.

Can you phone thr hotel and ask to speak to whoever is organising X firm's training, which started today.

If they say yes hang on whilst we connect you, hang up.

If they say 'eh?'.... you have a problem.

Dreadful situation. So sorry...

it would have me nervous/pondering, I must admit, specially as your H has form for cheating.

What are you going to do?

Good idea "LostIdentity* but the course is not being run at the hotel but at a nearby company which I do not know the name of. They are just staying there.

So sorry you're going through this. It's just horrible not knowing if you can trust someone.

FWIW my work is doing a training session today and all of this week, because it involved people from overseas offices and so it was hard enough to coordinate a date without factoring in the bank holiday over here. Also, if it's a place that makes most of it's money from corporate conferences it might have been cheaper on the weekend?

Would I doubt my DH in the context of our marriage? No.

Would I doubt him if he had cheated on me in the past and our marriage was generally not good? Probably.

Horrible to feel the way you are atm (recently been through discovery of betrayal so know only too well the 'things don't feel right' feeling) I don't know how you could find out if your dh is lying, it could be innocent but your instincts are telling you otherwise and I would certainly trust those instincts.

Is the work mate with the car staying in the same place?

Can you ring hotel and ask for him
?

You are not paranoid, given his past misdemeanours. His behaviour means he is always under suspicion and that's no-one's fault but his own.

If I were in your shoes I'd be sniffing about for more info. Really hope it's nothing. I think it's probably nothing...but given his past, you are not wrong to check it out.

You're paranoid or he just isn't being very clever.
Would any man think it plausible that wives would believe that there was a training course on a bank holiday if it wasn't genuine?

And surely he would buy a bottle of wine, not take one from the fridge and risk you spotting it.

Yup, you're paranoid.

And given his past he should be reassuring you of his whereabouts, has he rung today? Has he seemed distant lately, phone go everywhere with him? These were telltale signs in my relationship.

sheesh......that's a bummer. OK,...... right how about.... you ring up the company he works for tomorrow. You say 'I have a credit card bill cropped up on the online account for the hotel - was 'Dave' entertaining guests last night (or whatever...) because it has taken our a/c over the limit and I need to know what he was doing'.

It's a very high risk strategy.

Oh fuck it. How much is a PI? I'm serious. I would totally stop buggering about and just find out. I really don't blame you, you are in a totally shitty position and it's his fault, courtesy of his history.

I really do feel for you.

But don't go on the wine bottle. That's not definite enough.

My ex used to go on lots of 'courses'. When he got home you could guarantee he would leave 'paperwork' lying around the house. Often stationery from the hotel room with scribbled notes. Looking back he was trying to hard to prove he'd been there leaving solid 'evidence' lying around the place.

I had my suspicions that he had a job lot of the stuff he'd taken from a previous visit and and hadn't actually been there on subsequent visits.

So I can understand where you're coming from because my ex had form too.

Ring the hotel and ask to be put through to Mrs Your Surname. If the room is for single occupancy they will say "there's only a Mr X in that room", you can make your apologies.

Sorry, pressed send too soon. If there is a female party with him they will assume she is Mrs Surname and you will know the score.

I think you should trust your gut Tina

It's the little things that you notice that are just not right that give you that horrible twisting feeling.

My 'D'H had been drinking in the house 'alone' while I was away for the weekend with my pals .. he never drank on his own - ever!! Not just one but two bottles of wine... He never did admit she was in the house but I'm pretty sure she was

He also went on vague training and vague conferences

Do you have access to bank statements and credit card bills? (STBXH suddenly received a lot less mail .. he used to never open statements and they'd be lying everywhere and then he must have changed them all to online)

Sorry you are going through this

xx

Whether or not there's something going on now, this is dodgy ground.

If he has cheated several times in the past and you've decided to stay together, he should be fully aware of the consequences of his actions and be going out of his way to make sure you know full well that this is all genuine.

What I mean is that the onus is on him to make sure you are ok. This doesn't mean justifying his every move but it does mean he has to 'get' that he's forfeited the right to unconditional trust and should be making the running on this issue.

You accepted he cheated in the past and still let him back in your life. Presumably he therefore thinks it's OK and just has to be more careful. No idea if he's cheating this weekend but expect he has done on others.