How did you get over multiple loss? Am struggling a bit…..

[MaidenAunt]

Namechanged and will keep it brief. Early 2011 my 20 year marriage ended rather painfully and the financial stuff still isn't fully agreed. The family home has been sold and I have just moved into a rented house whilst I gather my wits again and decide what to do. My DM died suddenly in January this year. My DD is leaving home in 2 weeks to go to 6th form college - and I guess she will go onto to uni somewhere after that.

I don't feel sorry for myself at all - but I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I feel a bit numb actually. I thought that moving away from the memories of my marriage would be the beginning of a whole new life.

Can others who have been through similar share how you have felt/coped?

Thank You.

Bless you :(

Sounds like you might be in shock a bit? Thats a lot of loss to cope with in a short space of time.

The only coping strategies I would suggest would be to take up a hobby or join a group, or maybe some charity work? Something to get you out and about and meeting some new people?

Maybe a pet too? Something for company.

Good luck, its never too late to start again, and my condolences for the loss of your dm too :)

I think 'numb' is normal when you're faced with huge change. Most of us go through stressful transitions in life but, when you have several biggies all happening at once, it's bound to throw you off balance.

I suppose what you have now is a vacuum but also an opportunity. Chance to reinvent yourself, not in the predefined roles of 'mum' or 'daughter' or 'wife', but as whatever you fancy. Worth taking your time over, I'd say. Good luck

When I was about 32, I came back from travelling, was with a man who wasn't right for me, got back into my old career cycle of office work, and was still stuck going round and round with my abusive family.

Then I went to Cuba by myself and got wasted and got my journal out and realised I was letting life pass me by and it felt SO GOOD to be out, thinking thoughts like that.

When I got back, I jacked in my job and got a new one in a different industry, at the bottom on half the salary. I then had an almighty row with my family and told them there was no future between us. 6 months later I left my partner and moved out.

At first I thought 'I'm free!!!!' and ran in circles. Then I cried and was scared. Then I gathered myself together and thought, 'well my life has been razed to the ground now, and what a wasteland it is! What do I want to grow?'

I started doing more of what I wanted to do, I worried less about what others were doing. Heart seemed to come back into my life. I was proud of who I was becoming. I went out by myself a lot to things I wanted to go to and came back late at night. I got a tattoo!

For me there was definitely life after loss, but the difference is that it was mindful life. I too am sorry to hear about your Mum. With your daughter, it is just entering a different phase that's all.

Id have a good think about what you might like and take it from there. xx

op, sorry you are going through this and hopefully this experience will be a revelation and will bring better prospects for you ((((hugs)))).

Cogito....please keep posting. I think a lot of people benefit from your pearls of wisdom. I am your biggest fan and please don't stop helping

You're very kind. :)

I lost my Mum and then had a miscarriage within a year. I found Cruse bereavement counselling very valuable but the thing that made the most difference was time. It took a couple of years before I felt 'normal' again. I now feel stronger than I ever did.

Oh wow, this happened to me. My H of 20 years left me suddenly, I was heartbroken then about 9 months later my mum ( 60 yrs old ) died suddenly. This happened 2 years ago and I'm still trying to find who I am and what I want. I work full time, discovered photography is a fantastic hobby, studied with the Open University. I still haven't found myself but I keep looking.

Cog is ace :)
Op...you are at a crossroads in your life, not a dead end.
Good luck!

Havent been through any of what you have been through.
But been at a crossroads myself this year in some ways.
Decided to make myself a short term plan,a medium term plan amd a long term plan .It worked.I have just sort of completed the short term plan,and just started the medium term plan.Have surprised myself by how my life has panned out according to it.And I wrote it all down ,so I didnt forget it.It has helped me get some direction back.

Thank you all. MN is great.

I went to see my GP and got a referral to see a counsellor. I need to talk about all that's happened because actually I think I'm very angry and I've been so busy 'coping' I haven't been able to let myself feel it but i know it's there.

That's for now. What follows from that who knows? A friend has invited me on a long haul holiday next year. I'm mulling it over??

Oh God MA, do it!!! Look how it worked out for Shirley Valentine ... ;) x