Has anyone ended up hating their best friend when they have fallen out? Please read and help if you can.

[QE2]

Been best mates with someone for about 7 years. She introduced me to my dh and was chief bridesmaid at my wedding to him.

She has had a shit life, shit relationship with an alcoholic who literally kicked her and her kids out on the streets and I have been there through thick and thin for her, sometimes putting her family before my own. When she split from her dh, i was the one she turned to; when she was going through hell with her kids, I was the one she phoned for help. I have seen her through the hatred she felt for herslef when she had a string of one night stands and even supported her when she spoke of hetting back with her dh.

Several weeks ago she called me in tears saying she was going to hurt her dd if she didn't get help....I posted a bout it at the time. Since then she has cancelled arrangements to go out at the last minute, not invited me out when the usual crowd have gone on the piss and ignored my calls and texts.

She put the phone down on me today - i am at a loss to understand what the hell is going on and wonder if she ever really was my friend in the true sense of the word. Thinking about it, it was always one-sided, she only phoned me if there was a problem and we only met up if I made the effort.

Should I try to find out what the problem is or accept that our frienship is over? I feel really hurt that someone I considered to be a friend is being like this. dh thinks it's time to move on.

I would agree with the comments that piggysgal wrote.

She is a toxic friend and you do not need such people in your life who ultimately try to bring you down with them.

Agree with bakajimjams (won't be the first time!). It doesn't sound like your friend wants solutions. She could have seen your calling homestart as a step towards pushing her to find a solution, which she has no intention of doing. She might interpret that as your judging her for not getting off her arse. Her loss IMO. I would let her go.

Some very helpful replies here, thanks guys.

I am a problem solver but only if that's what people want. She did want me to help her which is why she phoned me so much saying she didn't know what to do and asking for help. She always said she felt better after talking to me and that I should consider becoming a counsellor as I was a good listener and offered practical, helpful advice.

I do worry about her kids particluarly after her saying she was afraid she would hurt her dd but short of contacting SS, there's not much I can do. Whoever said she is a toxic friend is right (meerkats). I feel much clearer this morning about things and letting go feels to be the best option.

Thanks for all your input everyone who replied, i appreciate it.

I have an ex friend who I recently decided to just forget about. I used to get on very well with her when we were younger and she is part of my extended social cirle and married to one of my brothers best friends. BUT she has always been a bit envious of me for some reason and has on occasion really upset me (shagged a bloke I was seeing, physically assualted my bil, caused scenes when pissed etc) and I have always subdued my feelings for the sake of peace. Recently at our friends wedding she had a go at me and said some unforgiveable things and I have just decided to exclude her from my life. I feel for her husband and kids but I am not going to put up with her bullying and scene making anymore just to keep the peace. I have told all our mutual friends that I don't want to be invited to things she is going to be at and I am fine with the idea of being left out of social occasions. To be honest most of our friends find her behaviour problematic but ignore it for politeness sake and because we all love her husband.
Basically I think it is healthy to shed 'friends' occasionally.

You're a problem solver but she's a game player. Not a good mix. She's inventing/distorting issues to make her life into a series of dramas in which she is the victim/heroine. You're just unlucky that you are the fall guy in the latest episode of her personal soap opera.

My advice -play it cool. Let her know that you don't know how you've offended her but are ready to speak if she wants and leave the ball in her court. Without you appearing worried or upset then the drama will fizzle out. She needs you more than you need her so wait for her to come back in the next epsiode...