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How far would you go? Am I being ridiculous??

7 replies

Igglepiggle999 · 26/08/2012 08:13

Well me and my other half have had a few problems in the past but he proved whilst we've been together he hasn't been anything but loyal.
He has acted in a bad way after i ended it with him and lied about this stuff when
We got back together, hence the part of me that finds it hard to
Trust and believe what he says.
I do understand why he lied, probably more to avoid the converstation more than anything else but another thing that he eventually admitted was that he had joined a few dating sites in this time.
We had a big row about it, I asked him how long after we broke up he joined them he said he didn't know and when
I went to work he logged in to get the date of the last time he logged in.
Now, I've looked through it and he says it was one he had joined tears before he met me however he updated his profile etc when we broke up.
This sounds like it could be true as the pictures are clearly fairly old however the profile was recent ( I know this as he changed jobs )
Now, I keep wondering if he joined this whilst we were together ;-(
There's a support email I could contact and ask and in my head this would clear up the doubt however in my heart I want to believe him and start to trust him again and I don't think constantly checking up on things he's told me and going to extremes of contacting dating sites to see the join date is going to help
Us.
What would you do and honestly do you think I'm ridiculous for even considering it??

OP posts:
mellen · 26/08/2012 08:15

Do you think that the dating website would give you this information?

MrsMuddyPuddles · 26/08/2012 08:18

You don't say why you split up nor what changed to make you and he believe that it would work this time around... I think that thinking about these things would be more helpful than wondering if he cheated (or even thought about it)/being possessive about him when he was your ex and therefore single...

OneMoreChap · 26/08/2012 08:24

You broke up.

The things he "did bad" were when you were not together.

He let you see the profile; you are now analysing it to yourself.

As MrsMuddyPuddles says
I think that thinking about these things [why you thought you should get back together & why it would work] would be more helpful than wondering if he cheated

Igglepiggle999 · 26/08/2012 08:25

Yes they
Would give me the info as I can email direct from
The dating site now I have access and ask for the join date.
We split up initially due to no fault of his, I'd just got out of a messy relationship and wasn't ready.
The lies about what happened whilst we were apart we're unnecessary in my opinion however he said that he'd just got me back and didn't want to risk losing me again.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 26/08/2012 14:07

By your own admission, through no fault of his own you chose to ditch him and what he did when you weren't 'together' is none of your business.

Did you have trust issues in the 'messy relationship' you'd just got out of when you met him?

Igglepiggle999 · 28/08/2012 21:02

I decided not to delve any deeper even though it was very tempting as it was just an email away to the answer.
But, I know I'll never trust him if I don't try.
My guts telling me he didn't access any whilst we were together so that's what I'm going on.
No trust issues until we got back together and he lied, see other threads :-( x

OP posts:
Hassled · 28/08/2012 21:09

It doesn't seem to me like he's actually done much wrong tbh. He updated a dating profile after you had dumped him - why the hell shouldn't he? He had no way of knowing you'd have a change of heart.

But if what sounds like a fairly shortlived relationship has already had a) you breaking up once and b) you having a major wobbly re what he did or didn't do then you have to ask yourself is it worth it? Is the relationship always going to be this dramatic? Is that what you want in life? Genuine question - some people love the drama, others prefer the calm. But if you love the calm, can you see this relationship ever ending up like that?

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