Please help me through the day.

[OurLadyOfTheUpsideDown]

'D'H has walked out on DS and me today, saying he's going to spend a night in a hotel as he needs to think about us and whether he wants to stay in this relationship.

I wouldn't know where to start on the background to this - so much is wrong between us - but I know he's now relying on me to phone him, begging him to come back.

I don't want to be that needy person any more.

We live overseas and my only good friend here is away at the moment.

Please stop me from phoning him when deep down I know the relationship is over.

(DS is napping at the moment, but I might not be able to get on here once he's awake).

Big ((hug)) for you. You must be in shock. Has it been building up too this?

Definitely don't phone him - if he seriously needs thinking time then you phoning won't help. If he's stropped off in a sulk to get you to beg for him - bollocks to that. So either way, don't phone.

Can you go out for the day? You need distractions. I'd be tempted to go to a hotel as well and charge a few treats to his credit card.

He's got the bloody credit cards!

It's really hot here, but I'll take DS out to the park once it cools down around 5pm.

Yes, it's been building up for a while. I had a miscarriage in May, but it was incomplete and I spent 5 weeks bleeding. Then I started haemorrhaging and that day, as the ambulance was on the way, he got so unbelievably angry. I was passing in and out of consciousness and he chose that moment to list everything that was wrong with me - ostensibly because it was my pride that had stopped me seeking medical attention earlier - and I knew then he'd never be there for me when I needed him. I knew then the relationship was over, it's just so difficult to end it.

I just want to phone him and tell him to come home because I don't think I'm strong enough for all the upheaval that splitting up will cause...

It sounds like you two need to sit down and talk with each other.

You've had an awful time, and you need support, not an absent DH. Tell him how you feel about your marriage and situation, and wait for him to do the same.

Then go from there. Let him come home of his own accord. Its not for you to beg him to return.

Big hugs meanwhile....

I'm so very sorry. The relationship is over, as you have just said. When is your friend back?

I think in your position I would be trying to book flights for me and DC back home to family. Get support, maybe get a job. From where you're standing that must look difficult but at the same time attractive?

Sorry, and hugs

Maybe having some time apart will give you both some breathing space. Asking him to come home just because you are not strong enough to cope with the upheaval of splitting up is not enough though is it. How long will it be before this happens again?

Spend some quality time with your son. You and your dh need to sit down at some point and discuss where to go from here.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

That's the thing - I've invested so much in moving here that I'm kind of reluctant just to give it all up. I also don't want to uproot DS - he's starting nursery here in September and has a lovely little life here. I also don't want to move him away from his dad.

It'd also be incredibly difficult to move back to the UK. There's no obvious place for us to move to. My parents have just moved town with my dad's job for the next three years until he retires. It's a small town in the middle of nowhere with mass unemployment and no job opportunities in my sector.

Yet here... I don't speak the language fluently, and still struggle with lots of the day-to-day challenges of not knowing the culture inside-out. I don't know if we'd manage financially if H left.

I really, really wish we could sit down and talk things through. That's what bothers me the most. It's not the shitty things that happen, it's our inability to discuss them afterwards that's killing us.

He just gets very, very angry. He was shouting again this morning. Usually I break down in floods of tears, but I didn't this morning as DS was with us. I just removed DS and myself from the situation instead.

Its not good for your son to see all that anger from his father, better to remove yourselves from that kind of enviroment. If he is only little hopefully he won't remember any of it. Do you own the property that you live in? Any savings?

Hope you are ok.