Out of the blue, my H left me for his OW at the beginning of June. He broke it to me as, "I want a divorce. I can't be happy in this life". Under further questioning, he admitted he had cheated on me, and was choosing her over me. He refused to tell me who she was or how long it had been going on for. Prior to this, he had been working away in London for just over a year and commuting back to me and DS (9) at weekends, sometimes every other weekend. I had NO inkling he was cheating or thinking about leaving, so it came as a complete bombshell. We were together for fifteen years, married for nine of those.
Anyway, I was slowly starting to find my way back to normality, and just about out of the getting-through-it-one-day-at-a-time-stage, when he finally decided to come clean about the OW this weekend. I was asking him about getting his name off the council tax and setting up a redirection for his post, and he told me he would be officially moving in with homewrecker in October, when the tenancy for his shared room is up. When I asked him if he would have room there for all his crap that's still here, (up in the attic now, so I don't have to look at it), he said, "There's barely room for all the stuff I have there now". Basically, he let it slip that he moved in with her straight after leaving me. He then said, "We thought it made sense to try living together while I still have my room". When I asked him for his new address details, as a mobile 'phone number is not really enough for contact details when there are children involved, he said, "I'll have to ask her permission". When I asked him to tell me how long it's been going on, he said two and a half or three months before he told me. I don't believe this, but if it's true, it feels even worse.
He also asked me if I had changed my Facebook status yet, to which I replied I'd just taken out the status completely, as it felt too public. On Monday night, he changed his status from 'married' to 'in a relationship with...', and allowed himself to be tagged in some of the OW's photos (He was moaning to me about how hard it is for him supporting his life in London and us, and those photos were taken at the Savoy Hotel on his birthday earlier this month!). I felt sickened, and I was also very worried for how DS would feel, as his father hasn't told him he is seeing someone else. I texted him to tell him his son had a right to know, rather than seeing this so publicly on Facebook and to think about his feelings. In response, he said he had limited DS's profile view of his profile, so he wouldn't see this information and the pictures. He did so, as I checked, but it's hardly the answer longterm. Needless to say, I have now unfriended him on Facebook.
I have said nothing to him about any of this and how it makes me feel, as I figure he is not worth it and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much he's hurt me. In the first few weeks, I vented and ranted to so many family members and friends, that I don't really want to do this to them again. They've listened to enough! But all over again, I want to scream, rant, rage and bloody KILL him and her, for what they have put me through, and the total lack of guilt and shame over what they have done.
These feelings had died down a lot and faded to almost indifference, but finding out this new information has brought them back with a vengeance. This has been my worst week since the first three weeks after he dropped the bombshell. I just feel so raw and confused and am struggling to make what would normally be fairly simple decisions.
I am not really looking for any advice as such, but an assurance that further revelations often trigger a setback, would be nice. Part of me wonders if he did it to be deliberately cruel, as from my point of view, it would have been better to have all the information at the beginning. I know it had to come out at some stage, and it just further reinforces my opinion that I am so much better off without someone who treated me in such a cruel and cowardly manner, but my God, what an awful way to find out the truth about someone.
Thanks for reading my story.