Things have been bad for a while. I have posted under different NC and received some great advice... it's taken several months but I think I can finally say that I want myself back and if that comes at the cost of our relationship then so be it. This week I called an old friend to arrange a meet-up for next month. She knew me long before I met DP and she doesn't really know him... somehow we got talking about the issues and her relief when I admitted it was over, plus the cautious way she expressed her concern that I had been losing what made me who I am confirmed all these feelings I've been having. Before I met DP I'd been single for five years but in those five years I held down three concurrent part-time jobs, worked in local politics on a voluntary basis, was a member of loads of committees and obtained good A levels and a first class honours degree. I had loads of friends, was out every week, was very very busy and happy. Being jobless and a SAHPartner (we have no DCs) has turned me into someone I don't really recognise. I used to be so independent and headstrong.
I had to leave everything to move (300 miles north) and although DP knows I achieved all those things before he has only known me as a full-time student with no job - I had chosen to live off my (then considerable) savings in order to get the best mark and then the best job. Turns out life doesn't work like that 
He has no respect for me - didn't even seem that pleased when I got my distinction, was relieved when I got a job but I think only because he thinks I'm 'lazy' and sit at home all day 'doing nothing'.
I haven't told him and, until I start my new job, I'm not going to as financially at the minute I'm screwed. The way he treats me sometimes has made me decide that I'm not going to extend that courtesy until I know I can sort everything out myself. This morning, as an example, I jokingly asked him if he wouldn't mind closing the drawers he keeps his clothes in as I'm always having to either close them myself to get at my drawers (underneath) or open my drawers really wide to get my stuff. Every day I have to shut his drawers, every morning after he goes to work they are open again.... it's like the magic sock fairy who picks up all the socks and washes them 
The old me would have stated from the start that whilst I should be doing the majority of the tasks (I cannot contribute financially atm) that doesn't mean being a skivvy. His response to my request was to tell me I should just close his drawers myself if I wanted something, so I said "I'm not your slave!". I wasn't cross, just bemused and a bit annoyed.
This led to him shouting at me about how actually, he is my slave as I never do any washing up (I do about one lot a week) and he is always tidying up after me. What he actually means by this is that he picks up all my papers/items if they suddenly annoy him (even if I'm in the room he doesn't ask me to move them, he just suddenyl snaps), grabs them and throws them altogether in a pile wherever he thinks is 'more tidy'. I have lost some important bits and pieces by him just randomly moving my stuff/putting it behind chairs and out of sight :( Once when revising I didn't clear the table fast enough for his liking so he just swept everything onto the floor with his arm. He denies this happened.
For the record I do everything else in the flat... hoovering, ironing, laundry, taking his shirts to the laundrette, washing the floors, cleaning the bathrooms, changing the sheets and any deep cleaning (windows, skirting boards, cleaning the dishwasher, the kitchen, the washing machine), plus I also try and make the flat 'nice' e.g. flowers/I hang a homemade wreath on the door. I also do all the meal planning and 90% of the food shopping as well as getting a job, sorting the bills and sometimes he asks me to source presents/trips out/all the minutiae.
He didn't apologise for shouting this morning... I said that it wasn't acceptable and asked what his problem was and he just shrugged and said "It's alright." No, it's not fucking alright. It never occurs to him to apologise. I can count, in three years, the number of apologies on both hands, no more. If I ever shout I always apologise afterwards - shouting isn't nice and I was brought up to apologise for being rude/mean (not that I shout a lot, it just upsets me that I never get a reciprocal apology even if we have both been fighting). Obviously I don't get apologies for anything else minor (that I apologise for) like being late etc.
Anyway, we've spent the morning in silence as he is working from home today. It feels good to let it out, sorry it's so long. I am a bit shaken but very fucking determined. :)