Hi everyone,
Sorry this might be a long one as I will try not to drip feed. I suppose I'm asking what would you do in my situation?
Im 27 and my husband is 41. We have no kids. I met him when I was 21 and I had had a very sheltered upbringing - he totally blew me away.
This year my mum who was my best friend died after a very short battle with cancer. Since then I feel like I have become a different, and not altogether nice person. I feel that I made a huge mistake in marrying DH for a number of reasons. This is something I have been feeling for a number of years - but recently it has become much much stronger.
So first the good things - he tries to give me what I want, is kind, genuinely loves me a huge amount, makes me laugh, is a very good friend, has a wonderful family who I love, and I love him very very much.
The bad things - he is a cross dresser. He told me about this from the start, but for some reason I didn't get the impact this would have on our life and relationship. I thought that I could compartmentalise it - I was wrong. I hate it - and it makes me not fancy him in the slightest. I can't remember the last time we had sex and I actually enjoyed it.
He has also utterly destroyed my confidence. I am actually quite beautiful (as most 27 year olds are - it has taken me 6 years to actually realise this) and a size 10. However he has constantly told me that I need to lose weight. About 6 weeks after my mum died we booked a holiday to Egypt for me to try and relax and come to grips with it. I suppose I had put about 10 pounds on and gone to a size 12. For the first 3 days of the holiday he would flinch away when i tried to touch him or hold his hand and would barely talk to me. Eventually after me breaking down to ask what on earth was wrong he told me that he had felt "cheated" since the wedding (two years before) due to the way I looked.
I've found it almost impossible to get over this and I am very ashamed to say that 6 weeks ago I cheated on him. I was drunk and this person had spent the whole night telling me that i was beautiful with an amazing body and I am utterly ashamed to say that it went to my head. I cant believe that I did it - I am totally disgusted and horrified at myself.
There are other issues such as the fact I earn the vast majority of our money, he has no drive, no ambition or even any friends, however these are all minor in comparison to the above.
So what do you think I should do. I can't ask friends in RL as DH would be very upset if I told them about the cross dressing. Truthfully I am also ashamed at the prospect of being a divorcee at 27 - I know this shouldn't matter but to me it does.
Thank you - and I am totally prepered to get a flaming for my actions.