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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my marriage is shit

19 replies

scarytypes · 23/08/2012 23:35

I'm constantly walking on eggshells. If I challenge him about anything he just loses his temper and goes around ranting and raving. Everything is my fault Sad He's like a spoilt, selfish child.

I don't love him anymore. I don't like him anymore. I'm just treading water and wasting my life.

He's fine as long as everything is going his way. If I so much as rock the boat he goes into a tantrum.

I can't stand him near me. I've been abused by others all my life and I don't deserve this.

HE MAKES ME SICK Angry

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 23/08/2012 23:39

He would make me sick, too.

Tell us about your situation. Do you have children? A job? A mortgage?

EdithWeston · 23/08/2012 23:39

Do you want to change your marriage, or leave it?

TodaysAGoodDay · 23/08/2012 23:40

I think you may get support here

I used to be on there, they are a great bunch of women and you will have much support. Good luck.

Original poster
scarytypes · 23/08/2012 23:54

I have two children, a part time job and no mortgage. If I moved out I would have to pay rent which would tighten things. I gave a lot of guidance and advice to my husband which has enabled him to retire early and he has two rental properties and lives off the income they provide. I have a larger monthly income than him. I am thinking of renting one of his properties. I know people will think I'm mad for doing this.

OP posts:
Original poster
scarytypes · 23/08/2012 23:57

I don't know how to change my marriage EdithWeston. He's very set in his ways. He's no youngster and digs his heels in Sad

I didn't realise just how much I've been keeping quiet just to keep the peace until recently.

It's like having a third child. I feel like I've taken responsibility of everything in the house and I've helped to create all this. He's a very weak person and I'm strong.

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 24/08/2012 00:03

He has two rental properties? Nah they are marital assets.

Living like this, no wonder, you feel sick. Definitely get legal advice. As it sounds like you are ready to " leave the bastard ".

TDada · 24/08/2012 00:03

Sorry to hear. How old is DH?

seeker · 24/08/2012 00:06

Why does he have two rental properties? Surely you have two rental properties?

Original poster
scarytypes · 24/08/2012 00:07

He's 52.

I don't want any of his assets I just want some peace Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
scarytypes · 24/08/2012 00:10

seeker he bought the rental properties with an inheritance from his side of the family. They're not mine. I own half our marital property. I'm not seeking a divorce. I just want some space and for him to live by himself. I don't want any other relationship. I just want my dcs and some peace.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 24/08/2012 00:16

They are not his assets; they are the joint assets of your marriage and as such you are morally and legally entitled to your fair share of them.

Unless he is physically incapacitated, at 52 there's no reason why he shouldn't go back to work if he's unable to maintain the lifestyle of a gentleman of leisure on his share of your joint assets.

Get real, honey - and get thee to a rottweiler solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law.

tallwivglasses · 24/08/2012 01:03

You seem reluctant to take what's yours (and your dcs')

Think of it as back pay and overtime for putting up with his shittiness for so long.

AnyFucker · 24/08/2012 07:39

your atttitude towards what is rightfully yours is going to rob your children of what is rightfully theirs

you seem to be saying you don't have the energy to fight for it

but you assert you are the strong one

which is it ?

lilachair · 24/08/2012 08:25

You poor thing. I felt like that. He had me ground down so hard I thought I deserves nothing, so I was asking for nothing except peace.

Get an appointment with a solicitor. It doesn't commit you to anything, most of them do a free hours consultation. Take as much financial info with you as you possibly can. They will start with a 50/50 split of all assets and work from there. You will find out that you will be financially fine and you can manage.

And then you can start a happy life away from the miserable bugger.

Good luck

Yogagirl17 · 24/08/2012 08:44

Actually, if he bought the properties with money from an inheritance they may not be a marital asset. But you should definitely get some legal advice - find out exactly what you are entitled to. Anyway - why should you move out? You have the income, you pay the mortgage - let him move out and live in his own rental property, that way he doesn't have any control over you.

Taghain · 24/08/2012 16:27

So ask him to move out - he's got properties to live in.
If you go for divorce, heed the advice above - your children need you to have money.

Do you think that he could feel unvalued & bored, hence the bad temper? I'm not making excuses for him being a shit, but not having a job may be affecting his self-esteem and thus he's taking it out on you.

So if you separate & he needs to get more money by earning it, he'll regain a sense of purpose and you'll be doing him a favour.
:)

TDada · 25/08/2012 07:07

Hoe r u

TDada · 25/08/2012 07:07

..how r u

amillionyears · 25/08/2012 07:45

Are you scared he would be violent if you seperated?
Does he love you at all do you think.

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