Last night I was having dinner with my parents and one of my siblings for my dad's birthday. It was always going to be difficult because I have not really been seeing them recently while I work out how I feel about my childhood/adolescence. I stopped going round to the house because my dad has a volatile temper, the whole house has always had to accommodate him and he recently had a(nother) big blow up at my children and I said I no longer wanted to be spending my time there waiting for the next blow up, being put out to accommodate his every desire and then having to put up with his anger so I would rather my parents came to our house to see us where he will behave.
In reality this has meant I just don't really see them anymore. My dad has called me a few times since to "chat", which he never does, with my mum clearly in the background. I suspect she has told him he has to be nice to me. This is what they do, they try to be nice so I forget I was cross.
I missed his birthday proper because my DH was working and they chose this restaurant which is over the road from my house for this dinner, inviting me all breezily "you don't need to come...". DH said it was like saying "hi we're just gonna have a picnic in your front garden, you don't need to come"