Stuck and confused

[onesixonetwo]

I've posted before about my functioning alcoholic DH and how he is sometimes verbally abusive when drunk then how he lashed out at me a few weekends ago.
He is on hol for the week so we are spending most of the time together, with some reluctance on my part. Today he started drinking at lunchtime. By early evening he said he 'wanted to stay together' then proceeded to tell me he didn't want to talk to me because of my terrible temper,then went on to list how rubbish I am and that I've got no common sense and other stuff too.
I've made plans to leave although this will take time but why does he do this?
He started by telling me how much he loved me,then how shit I am without any input from me! And I don't have a terrible temper,that's him!
Ps Im also a bad communicator but my job relies upon my good communication skills. Eh?

sorry to read what u r going through. Have you been over to the emotionally abusive relationships thread? The ladies on there should have some good advice for u and will be very supportive. I think it must be so hard for u because not only are you in an abusive relationship but you are in one with an addict. You are asking why does he say he wants to be together and then goes on to contradict this... That is classic abuse. He is messing with your head and confusing you. Along with saying things about u that are actually describing himself. Have u contacted women aid at all? Please do as they are the professionals on this andyou may need some good support to leave this unhealthy relationship.

You have a terrible temper?! Oh dear, projection much?

Why does he do this? Could be a number of things: his sense of entitlement, arrogance, no values in caring about others, he had a mean daddy, a dog bit him once etc etc... I tried to make sense of my ex-ex boyfriend's abusive behaviour, Lundy Bancroft's book helped, and it is understandable to try and make sense of their behaviour, but it's important to think about your own motivations and understand yourself.

Good for you in making plans to leave, do you have a good support network?

Im glad you say it's abuse,I can't see the wood for the trees. The things he says confuse me.
I have spoken to Refuge but not Women's Aid,is there much of a difference?
Usually I do have a support network but for various reasons,mostly holidays everyone is unavailable for the next few days.
It befuddles my head,Im not a bad person and so what if Im any of the things he says? He married me!

You aren't bad. He says these things to try and erode you. He is, as has been said projecting.

He is escalating from verbal to now lashing out.

WA are good. It's abuse. Definitely.

Oh they certainly know how to mess with your head. You end up thinking you're the one with the issues and bringing all the problems to the table - you're not! The only person responsible for abuse is the abuser.

Plenty of supportive people here and on the emotional abuse thread already mentioned. Whatever happens, you'll get through this and come out better on the other side. He won't.

Thank you,I will post on EA relationships next time I can. I do know it's abuse really but sometimes it's difficult to identify in your own relationship.
As for support my Dad died suddenly at Easter so I feel I can bother my Mum as she is still reeling. The grief has made my approach to him more robust. Not aggressive, but more assertive. This in turn has made him worse. Whoever said you should stand up to a bully obviously never lived with one.