Marriage in trouble - feel guilty (long post)

[Rocklover]

Hi all,

I'm new here and I just wondered if anyone could advise. I have been with my DH for nearly 8 years (married for 4 in July), we have a beautiful DD aged 14 months, the problem was, even when pg the marriage started to get rocky.
We moved to a new area when around 9 wks pg, had severe morning sickness and was hospitalised, and didn't feel better until around 5 months gone and as a result couldn't get a job. I haven't worked properly for nearly 2 years and DH has just cracked under pressure, we are selling the house and moving in with my parents and I am going to get a full time job.
Problem is, DH was really awful to live with, no help round house or with DD, terrible mood swings which culminated in him screaming and swearing at me, then pretending nothing had happened. I was at uni last yr (DH encouraged me to go), but I then had to leave as we didn't have enough money (which DH knew all along but, wouldn't tell me as was trying to be suppotive). I moved out for 3 weeks as I couldn't take the stress, I have now moved back in and DH is being fantastic (most of the time) and helping me etc. However, I just don't know if I love him anymore, I don't trust him as he has hurt me in the past, but feel too guilty to think about separating as I feel I haven't got a good enough reason.
I am feeling pressure about going back to work as he says we will never get back on the housing ladder which is making me feel very stressed and guilty about all the time I had off (even though he says it's not my fault). I am sorry for the long post, just don't know what to do.

Dear Rocklover, Sounds like a very stressful situation all round, Hows the little one coupeing with all this?
I been with my DH for 10 years and it sounds very simmual to my relationship (early on). I know how you feel!!! My DH used to shout and say very horrible things to me, he use to say i was lazy and could never support my self. I was 19, when I meet him and a student. ( not much money coming in) I fell pg at 19 aswell, He was not happy and thngs were bad before pg now they were worest. He was was a bit better when baby was born, but not that much. He was use to thinking about himself only and i think the changes were hard for him. ( he was 35 at the time) Money was the root of the problems, he did not like spending any on us! I did tell him to go at one point, but he said no, I think it would have embressed him in front of this family! And he does not like that! Things are much better now( we still have ups and DOWNS) because we talk to each other.
( We have two boys 9-5).
It sounds to me that both of you are stress with the money situation and you don't want to tell each other how you feel, just in case you upset each other! Please try and TALK to each other and help each out alot more. I know life is hard a the moment but it is even harder when your on your own( i have friends who have disvosed because they don't love him any more and later found out they it is alot harder without their DH, and the should have talked more offen to them.) Sometimes I feel that I don't love my parnter(when things are bad).
You have been in the relationship for a long time and feelings do change.
Thnigs are hard now and we do terrible things to each other when we are down! PLEASE try and talk to each other.