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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need Advice, Not Urgent

4 replies

mumineedawee · 23/08/2012 01:26

Am separated from what I now understand to have been, my emotionally abusive husband of many, many years.

Life is ok, going towards good, for me and the children. Money is tighter than its ever been, but hopefully it won't always be this way.

Anyway, I'm looking for advice from ye wise 'been there, done that' relationship mumsnetters.

Even though life is going well without ex dh, I am starting to feel very strong feelings of 'maybe we should try again'. Most days I hate him for letting us down so badly, leaving me to cope with a large family of children, two of whom have SN. He has never contributed a penny to their upkeep and I am now penniless following on from getting ready for the back to school crazy time.

I feel lonely and miss the 'notion' of intimacy. I still fantacise that I could reform his ways and make us a family again. And it would be great to have sex again!

But then.... the kids are doing great. Particularly the older teens who never went outside our house to socialise or anything before we moved out. The younger ones now have endless playdates (which never happened before as he didn't think the parents/child were appropriate playmate material, and so on).

At the end of the day, they are all asleep, and I end up feeling sad, lonely and a little worried about my life in the future.

Should I be giving it another go, or is this the madness that creeps in for us mums who do it all ourselves and just crack a little?

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 23/08/2012 01:39

Be honest. Is it that you think it's unlikely you'll find anyone else? Because if that's the case the old adage 'better the devil you know' is best ignored. Has your ex been sweet and charming recently? He's playing you. Your dc are happy. So will you be. Give it time x

ladyWordy · 23/08/2012 01:50

No, don't give it another go, please! He would wreck your life even more successfully than before. Abusive behaviour is notoriously intractable, even if appearances suggest otherwise ('he seems so much more relaxed these days...' or whatever's gone through your mind...:(. ...it's not true, I'm sorry)

There are nice guys out there who are normal and healthy and won't abuse you. ....see if you can find one of those instead!:) not easy I know..

If you think you might crack, read or post on this thread for some thoughts

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1514011-Support-for-those-in-Emotionally-abusive-relationships-number-10?pg=16

Dryjuice25 · 23/08/2012 02:01

It can be a scary time but will soon pass and you will get stronger without him trust me. how many kids do you have op?

monsterchild · 23/08/2012 02:05

Nooooo! Don't do it! you're just feeling a bit down and lonely and you can't imagine another person there. But there can be another person, and even without another person, you are whole!

really, I agree with every other poster, you're going through a phase, and it will get better. Don't go back. Just keep chanting: forward ever, backward never, ok?

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