broke up with OM

[BunniBoiler]

Am married, had an affair for 8 odd years. Dh found a few txts and i got in trouble. Having counselling and on the road to getting back on track.

OM used to tell me he loves me all the time. Wen i told him.about d txts being found i got radio silence from him.

Now im not upset about it but curious as to why.he wudnt even ask how i am. Surely if u loved someone or even cared u wud ask about them.

So wise MNetters, why is he acting the way he is? P.s. i dont want an actual reply from him per se, and im not hung up on him. The conclusion i came up with was hes selfish and doesnt care. Actions speak louder than words!

But can u reaalt.not care about someone after all these years? Human nature works in mysterios ways in that case.

Her first language appears to be TXT.

You had an affair for 8 years? but you want to know why the other man hasnt contacted you?
A) he doesnt love you
B) he needs to get over the fact as soon as your husband found out you wanted to work thinks out with the dh
c) he knows what your really like and wants to get far away as possible.

i bet you told the other man that you loved him too and as soon as you got found out you took everything back. it sounds like you miss the other man and no amount of counselling is going to change that.

You call the other man selfish. what about you? your also selfish for leading two man on for 8 years. your dh should run for the hills and keep running until he finds someone better then you. you wasted two mens life for 8 years.

Naaa that was a shitty thing to attack. Her English is fine. Odd abbv. It's a forum. Odd typo. I make thousands on my stupid iPad. I got an A* in English years ago.

It's not like she has deliberately written lyk tis cos itz cool innit 2 get gramz polize onit.

[radio silence] - curious as to why.

Because you were just a fuck.

You lack of concern for your H's feelings are . Got into trouble, did you?

Keep with the counselling, you need it. To get YOU on track.

Everyone's being very unfair on this man. He could love the OP dearly. But he's just been dumped!! This board is full of distressed women who have been dumped by their partners and the advice is always... 'don't talk to him', 'give yourself time to think', 'stay busy', 'turn your phone off'. Whatever his feelings, that's all he's doing.

He's shitting himself in case your 'D'H goes round and beats the crap out of him.
What a hero
And he's probably already moved on to his next bored housewife.

I'm not being mean to him. I am guessing he is in a bit of a mess. And I don't blame him in the slightest for distancing himself. OP wanted to know why.

Why is everyone painting this man as some kind of villainous lothario?

Wait, you are worried about what the other man may be feeling or doing???? Really??? The other man?

"curious as to why.he wudnt even ask how i am"

BECAUSE YOU HAVE DUMPED HIM.

It could be one or a combination of any:

A. When dumped by someone, it looks needy/undignified to try to stay in contact.
B. OM is doing the right thing by walking away when you are trying to 'save' your marriage.
C. He was never that into you.

You made your choice, stop wanting the OM to moon after you and get on with sorting things with your H.

Im using my phone so its hard to type. I got an A in english so i cant be that bad!!!

OM is also married. Hes asked me to call him to talk. Ive ignored him.

My "d"h cheated on me years ago. My affair was in revenge of his.

I didnt dump him, i said we cant see each other. Thats different than dumping

Am not worried how om is. Im sure he will find a replacement before i can count till 100. He could hav askd me how i was. Thats all.

He simply doesn't care.

Just like you simply don't care about your husband.

Yeah, not sure why you're trying to make out that the OM is the bad guy here. You chose to have an affair. You seem more concerned that the OM isn't playing in to the drama than focusing on your marriage. Why are you with your husband? You clearly don't have any respect for him. An 8 year affair is a very protracted 'revenge'. I'm exhausted just thinking about living that way tbh.

Look you need to grow up. Your dh had an affair. That is no excuse. You either forgive and move on or leave.

You do not carry on a destructive marriage and seek to destroy someone else's.

Leave well alone. You were a shag on the side. He is now crapping himself he will lose his wife and it's all going to come out. Hence the distance. It's quite simple.

8 years of revenge ??? How mean.

"I didnt dump him, i said we cant see each other. "

You can't 'half-dump' someone, it's either on or it's off. You're supposed to be making a go of your marriage. If what you really mean is 'we can't see each other for a while until the fuss has died down' then why bother with counselling etc?

as contemptable as having an affair is, the reality is that you can't have an affair for eight years without there being some feelings or emotions attached - on both sides.

It's very easy for people to say that op was just a cheap shag on the side - I suspect people come out with these words because they're designed to be hurtful and to belittle the op rather than the actual reality. In truth it's unlikely OP was just a cheap shag on the side for eight years - unless she was like a demon in bed.

But op tbh all that is irrelevant really. The facts are that you had an affair for eight years. Regardless of your reasons, it happened, and now it's over and you are, I presume, trying to work things out with your dh.

Not hearing from the OM hurts - of course it does. But if you have resolved to work on your marriage then that is what you need to do, and you need to put the past eight years behind you and do just that, without a thought to what the om has and hasn't said to you.

Rather than worrying about the OM and feeling hurt over him ask yourself, what is it you want? If it is your dh then put the OM behind you and work on getting things back on track with your dh. If not then you need to be honest, both with yourself and your dh, and give him the opportunity to seek happyness elsewhere.

Am not worried how om is. Im sure he will find a replacement before i can count till 100. He could hav askd me how i was. Thats all.

You were bothered enough to start a thread about it. I think you wanted him to want to carry it on, to chase, to not be dropped so easily.

Work on your marriage if your DH is willing to, let OM work on his, stay away from each other, - seems to me that's what he's trying to do.

You sound very emotionally immature, perhaps that's something you could work on in counselling.

Am not worried how om is. Im sure he will find a replacement before i can count till 100. He could hav askd me how i was. Thats all.

So you don't care how he is, but you want him to care how you are?

Mad.