i first fell in love with my ex when i was 8yrs old. i would pass him on my way home from school and feel like a fool because i would go red and cross the road because i thought he would never look at me!!at 15 i finally got to kiss him when i did it felt like i couldent breath because of the feelings i had built up over the yrs.Now i will make our story short!! i was with mark for 21yrs we have 3 kids and he is a perfect dad. we married after 12yrs and it seemed ok at the time. my 21yrs was spent being a mother at 18yrs then 21yrs then 25, and ive loved it. BUT mark controled me by saying what i could wear where i could go or who to talk to i feared his temper and he often physicaly and even more mental abbused me to a point where i would let him do or say things to me just to make him happy and my fear of his anger at the time go quicker.i was abused as a child and i trusted him when i told him but when he was mad he would play on it never saying a word but knowing i felt dead inside. It wasnt all bad because he also showed me love and affection that i dnt think i can feel from a man again. i loved him wanted and truley wanted to grow old with him but i new i had to go because i was mentaly knocked as low as i could go i felt i wanted to die to get away from the uselless person i had become and i did try it without any feelings for my kids and im so ashamed of it now! mark is still mentaly in control of my mind even though i left him 1yr ago he knows he scares me,but i met a man 3 months ago who made me feel like i could breath and be me again, he has all the feelings on life and feelings as i do and i feel so happy and i love him in a way i never had with mark hes lovely. but why do i close my eyes when he holds me and think of my ex or hear a love song that reminds me of mark and hold my new loves hand in affection but still think and hurt because i no ive lost my true love....