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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i dont understand why

44 replies

skiesmylimit · 21/08/2012 21:36

Me and H got married 4 weeks ago.

Over the past 3 days he has ignored me, kept saying he's not happy, I'm the problem.

Every time I ask what I've done he doesn't reply. As far as I know I haven't done anything wrong. Something doesn't seem right. This was very sudden.

Sunday, he was at work 6am till 2pm, I'd caught bus to my mums with our 2 young children (3 and 4months) as we only have one car to share. And we wer meeting at my mums for dinner. He came, all seemed fine. Got home and has ignored me since. Funny looks, said a few things, such as he's sick of the sight of me. :(

I don't understand it, what has made him suddenly go like this, he's sleeping on sofa tonight, when all I want is a cuddle. He said he's leaving :S

Please don't say he sounds horrible and 'leave the bastard' yes he does sound horrible but I am not going to break it off on my own accord.

OP posts:

Sugary · 22/08/2012 01:40

I agree with Izzy, too! I may not have had the guts to do it when I was 22, but it's sooooo the right thing to do. Good luck. X

Beckamaw · 22/08/2012 01:40

What Izzy said ^

solidgoldbrass · 22/08/2012 01:46

Say to him that if he's not happy it's time to end the marriage and that you will be seeing a solicitor. The only way to deal with someone who is threatening to end a relationship is to go 'OK then, relationship over, let's get on with the practical aspects'. Because either he wants to leave (and there may or may not be OW in the picture) OR he wants to put you in your place ie convince you that the worst thing in the world would be for the relationship to end and therefore you will turn yourself inside out trying to please and placate him so he doesn't leave you. No relationship is worth that level of submission and obedience.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/08/2012 07:39

Sounds like this 22 year-old has suddenly woken up to the fact that he's married with two kids and a mortgage, can't handle the idea that he's a grown-up now and is taking it out on the OP. It may or may not be that he's met someone else - could be workmates or friends taking the piss - but I think he's going through a kind of teenage rebellion and being resentful because he either thinks he's been railroaded into the whole wife and kids deal or he's missing out on something.

Original poster

skiesmylimit · 22/08/2012 07:43

Good morning

So he spent all night on the sofa, and has gone to work this morning.

He's text me again saying he doesn't think we are going to be together. I've just replied saying ok. Leave today and ill get myself a solicitor.

If its what he wants I'm not going to stop him.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/08/2012 07:49

Good for you.

IvanaNap · 22/08/2012 10:06

Pack his stuff up today then?

Sallyingforth · 22/08/2012 10:20

OP this is very sad after such a short marriage. But you are doing the right thing. Good luck!

dondon33 · 22/08/2012 10:37

Wow 22 is so young but I don't understand why he would suddenly be shell shocked with the marriage, he was in the relationship prior to the wedding, the only thing that's changed is the rings on your fingers. Even giving him the benefit of doubt and maybe the reality has just hit him......it doesn't excuse his behaviour and treatment of you.

I didn't want to go down the OW route but Skie, it's something to consider :( has he ever cheated before? Or did you notice anything different in his behaviour while you were recently pregnant or before the wedding?

He text you that information this morning? Does he not deem it decent and right to inform you of that face to face selfish arse
You're doing the right thing, no point being in a marriage with someone who doesn't want to be in it with you. So sorry honey, take care of yourself and the little ones xxx

AnyFucker · 22/08/2012 13:31

YOu are doing the right thing, love

Cut your losses, and get out of this marriage. God knows why either of you got married, but chalk it up to experience and don't hang around like a doormat to be treated like a second class citizen in this way

all the best x (it sounds like you will be fine)

Original poster

skiesmylimit · 22/08/2012 14:11

I'm actually really struggling now,he gets home in about 10 minutes.

I text him earlier asking if he wants to go bowling with the family. No. I know I'm being silly I just don't wanna let him go

OP posts:

fuzzpig · 22/08/2012 14:17

You have no choice but to let him go. You deserve better than to be treated so badly.

IvanaNap · 22/08/2012 14:24

I'd put good money on an OW too.

AnyFucker · 22/08/2012 14:38

love, I think he is already gone (in spirit...the body is yet to follow)

I suspect he will keep on being a fucking nasty piece of work towards you, to manipulate you into ending this farce

because he is too cowardly to do it himself, and he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/08/2012 15:13

You're allowed to be silly OP. It's a massive shock to go from getting married and looking forward to growing old together to where you are now. Hope you're OK when you see him again. As everyone says, how you handle this will probably influence the rest of your life, whether that's together or apart. Stay strong....

puds11 · 22/08/2012 17:30

Hey op how are you?

Original poster

skiesmylimit · 22/08/2012 18:13

I'm ok, things have calmed down a bit. He seems to be in a better mood. But we'll see because I'm going to sit down and talk tonight. The way he's been isn't acceptable and I need to know why he's been like it.
I think it might of shocked him, I have been looking for a good solicitor today and stopped a couple of proceedings on the mortgage.

OP posts:

dondon33 · 22/08/2012 19:25

Good luck Skie I hope you get the truth out of him tonight x

TurnipCake · 22/08/2012 23:32

Hope you're ok, OP. There's plenty of support here if you need us x

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