Feel so alone

[chipsandmushypeas]

I am 22 weeks pregnant with my first dc, live with my partner of 3 years.

Since about may I've felt very alone. My P is very precious on his 'alone time' as in sitting in the study playing his games and chatting to his friends online who are also playing.

He comes home from work, eats and then goes in there until bed time - not everyday but most days. I've kicked up a fuss various times and he will spend time with me but will have to go and check on the game at some point.
Intimacy is dead as he comes to bed late and I usually go to sleep very early, this makes me feel even more distant to him as intimacy helps me feel close to him. He says he's 32 now and doesn't want sex all the time.

I just feel so desperately alone and miss living at home (never thought I would) as I would have in depth conversations with my family and watch stuff together. Typical evening now is I spend it alone with my cats as I live too far to pop in on mum.

Maybe im being unreasonable and hormonal as my mum has said to leave him when he first comes home from work and give him space, which I do (I work too)

If he does have a day off from game he will sit with me but read/be on iPad and if i say anything he doesnt hear so i have to repeat which i hate, so it's basically like he's not there.
I'm upset this eve as I was trying to make small talk and met with silence, I said can we not talk for a little and he got angry saying what is he doing wrong by reading, he's just come in from work etc.

I just keep thinking, is this my life now?

Sorry for waffled post, on phone and upset

I feel like I've made a massive mistake getting pregnant. He was never like this when we didn't live together, so attentive, would never play games around me etc. I feel like I've been tricked :(

I'm really sorry, you feel like this ( and believe me, I really identify with you ) - have you told him how you feel and what you'd like him to do ? Does he know that you're this upset ?

Thanks for replying bishop sorry you've been here. Yes I've brought it up many times, he knows how I'm feeling. Some days he will make an effort but I know he's just waiting to get back in there. He's very stubborn and doesn't see anything wrong with him needing time to himself after work.

I've started working weekends again just so I can get out and interact.

confuzzled yes he works in office with lots of calls/talking all day so I understand that and give him space. Thanks for replying

This man is completely taking you for granted. He has an interest which consumes him and sounds like an addiction. You need to shock him into understanding you mean business.

He has to understand he risks losing you unless he wants to truly share his life with you. He sounds utterly selfish.

I was thinking that too, I might move back to my mums to let him know how unhappy I am as talking/yelling/messaging isn't getting through :(

Do it even if it is for a few days, it will make him realise.

He would probably like it :(

I think yes move back to your Mum's for a while and don't rush back until he really understands and makes changes. Ask him if he can go cold turkey on the games for a while or restrict it to only 2 nights per week. Also what shared interests could you find?

Oh chips, how awful for you. Not sure what I would do in your situation, but the suggestion of moving back to your Mum's, well maybe that would at least stir things up enough to get a conversation going with him. Maybe you could talk the issue through with your Mum as well and see what she thinks?

Good luck.

My mum knows and said she will talk to him and will be frank. She thinks he's addicted, I do too. Before this game, he would play them
maybe once a week, sometimes not.

Yes Chips, move back to your mum's for a while - I made the mistake of soldiering on and not emphasising how hurt I was by my xh's behaviour because I didn't want to make a fuss. Don't put up with any shite.

You might like it too! I believe if you left him on his own for a while he might like it to start with, but it would not be too long before he started to panic. Many men use the safety net of home and partner to springboard them into their activities, but take away that safety net and they soon want it back. You have little to lose and much to gain.

Really feel for you op. your dp is bring frightfully rude and anti social. My exp was like this though no games - its just not bloody on. I also have a friend whose dp plays world of Warcraft as if his life depends on it - it is v stressful.
My primary concern apart from the fact that you are so unhappy is that how on earth will he be when the baby is born?
Think you need to have a v frank talk about this. If it was me I'd unplug the broadband box and hide it first!

How on earth does he plan to have his 'quiet time' and game all evening when the baby is here? He sounds very selfish and disengaged which is not how it should be when you are expecting a baby.

Really this is not on. If you are happier with your family then go and spend some time with them . If he doesn't pull his socks iup now then make the break sooner than later . It's hard work looking after a dc and he needs to be on board.

He's been lying next to me for a while now probably because he feels bad, but it doesn't make him change.

This is not what I wanted, how did I get here? Could he be depressed or burying his head a bit as he knows his life is going to change? Yesterday he said he knows he won't be able to do this sort of thing and maybe it's the kick up the arse he needs. Just wish he could do it for me

There you are, he probably does feel bad but he is also picking up on the fact that he is pushing you too far and is trying to reel you back in, hence lying next to you. See if you can get him to open up a bit and talk, he sounds like he is bottling something and needs to say how he feels rather than burying himself into his 'game'. He won't change easily, but he does need to talk. Don't baby him in any way ask him to be totally honest with you so you know what to do next.

Thanks right

Last night same thing. Comes to bed late and wakes me up, then wakes me up at 5am to go gym. Everyone is telling me to sleep as much as possible as I won't be sleeping much when baby is here, yet I'm sleeping even less!! He said goodbye and he loves me, which means he feels bad I guess after promising to come to bed early.

I'm so wound up. I'm going to my mums and told him and he asked when I'll be home, but I think I'll stay there as I need a proper nights sleep as my back is killing me.

It's horrid to wake up feeling like everything is more important than me even when pregnant