Fed up with people always siding with others

[FriendsAreHardWorkAtTimes]

Why if I fall out with someone do no mutual friends ever take my side, or stay neutral?

About a year ago a friend stopped talking to me, for no apparent reason. I asked and asked her what I'd done to upset her, she said nothing. She won't talk to me still. And over the year all of our mutual friends have kind of drifted away from me and stayed close friends with her. A couple even have said to me that they understand she and I don't talk anymore but that they are not taking sides. Yet they never contact me and are always busy if I suggest meeting, yet have plenty of time to spend with her.

now it's happened again. totally different group of friends. The alpha female of the group has taken a dislike to me, and I'm being ostracised and left out of nights out. Everyone saying they are not taking sides but a few have phoned me to confront me about lies that she has said I've said. So clearly they are listening to her, but not to me. If I say anything they just say 'hmmmmm' and change the subject.

No one ever listens to me or backs me up or sticks up for me.

I think your basic problem is the choice of friend. You seem to have picked the same type at least twice and maybe it would help to work out what they have in common and what initially appealed to you about them. Some people, for example, are Queen Bee types that entertain themselves by manipulating their friendship circle with them at the centre and creating little dramas on the edges by shit-stirring.

Both women that have just turned on me are both queen bee types, but they've been part of a wider group of friends. however the one thing common in both groups is that most seem to think the queen bee is wonderful. I think I need to steer clear of groups of friends tbh and have friends on a more one to one basis so that if ever one decides to fall out with me or I disagree with one, it doesn't mean I will lose all of my friends.

Bingo. I'm not fond of that particular friendship model myself having experienced it at primary school and realised that I'm just not fake or shallow enough to dance attendance on Queen Bees. :) Have far more success with the one on one type of friend.... usually nutters like myself.

I need to find fellow nutters too I think Cogito.

I've always been the kind of person who is on the outside of groups, never one of the popular ones in the middle, not that I would want to be, mind. I'm quite quiet,but I do try to be true to myself. I think sometimes that makes me fair game for bitchy behaviour.

If everyone keeps on treating you the same way, unfortunately it usually is something that you're doing wrong. It could be that you are picking the wrong type of friends, of course.

I wouldn't say everyone treats me that way, I have some lovely friends. It just upsets me that if I ever do fall out, or disagree with someone, everyone sides with them and it's never ever a case of everyone siding with me. not that I want people to take sides, I'd rather people kept out of things, but they never do

I have a similar issue, OP.

I have recently been accused on an online board of doing something I haven't done and 99% of other posters are siding with the woman accusing me. She is a total drama queen and rules the board. I think everyone is scared of her. Some people have sent me private messages saying they know I was in the right but they'd prefer not to rock the boat and stick up for me! I'm not having anything else to do with any of them apart from the one person who openly stuck up for me.

It's happened in real life before too, at the school gates. One mum fell out with me for something very minor indeed, and the next thing half the other mums aren't talking to me either!

I think it's pathetic behaviour and have no room in my life for people that are weak, sheep-like and easily manipulated

I have twice (at high school) found myself the Queen Bee. I dont know how because it is not me at all. Once I had noticed it I withdrew a bit from the group. I really didnt want people vying for my attention. I have also fallen foul to Queen Bees aswell. Some people love the sense of power.

Point is, those groups of friends which have hierarchy are breeding grounds for bitchiness and are best avoided. Someone will always come out worst.

I hope you can make some friends who arent part of a group like this. :)