OK, I am a regular but have namechanged partly because of being recognised and also due to the flaming I know I am rightfully going to receive.
I have been with dh for ten years, and we have a 7 year old dd.
Things between us have been difficult over the years. He is very insecure, very controlling and has gone to significant lengths to check up on me, putting keyloggers on my computer, hacking into emails etc when I hadn?t actually done anything to warrant this. He has isolated me from my friends by making me feel uncomfortable if I went out etc. Anyway as a result of his paranoya I stopped going out and became increasingly isolated, to the point I never went out any more, this was when dh was happiest. I?m not using this as a justification for what happened next, there isn?t a justification and I know that only too well.
As a result I spent an increasing amount of time on the internet and started chatting to someone. We became closer, started what I would term an emotional affair, and then a few weeks ago we met and ended up sleeping together. I will add at this point that the om is actually a decent bloke, I was slightly disingenuous in terms of what I?d told him about how far apart me and dh had become, he would never have got involved with me had he known? So I am only too aware that this is all my doing.
Anyway, dh found out about the affair and all hell rightly broke loose. We have spent an increasing amount of time talking, crying, he promises he will change the things that led me to the affair in the first place, things are over now between me and OM and all contact has been severed.
But this is where the issue comes in ? I am now three days late and feeling increasingly nauseous. Me and om did use protection, but you read about these situations where people fall pregnant even with some protection. I?m fairly sure there wasn?t a broken condom but lateness and nausea just doesn?t add up to a good thing in my head.
I know what I need to do but I?m scared. I know that if I?m pregnant my marriage will be over. I?m reconciled to that. Tbh I?m not entirely sure whether my marriage will survive this anyway, because of all the stuff that?s gone before ? I know I don?t feel the same about my dh any more, although I?m trying to get that back because of what I have done.
Wrt the om I absolutely know that he would step up and take responsibility for any child should there be one.
I know that if I?m pregnant then termination would be the best way out, but I?m not entirely sure I could actually go through with having a termination, but then maybe this is the price I have to pay for what I?ve done.
I just don?t know what to do any more. Part of me thinks I need to tell om and we work it out together, that he has a right to a say in whether or not I terminate a pregnancy which will result in him becoming a father, but part of me thinks that just terminating a pregnancy would be the quickest and easiest solution and that om need never even find out. For the record, if I am pregnant then it is definitely his baby as me and dh haven?t slept together in months.
I know the mess I have caused and I know that it is all down to me and only me. Flaming me for that isn?t going to make me feel any worse than I already do. But now there is a potential child in the equasion, and regardless of what I have done, a child is innocent.