Ex's

[StarryCole]

My first real love - we were together when I was aged 23 to 28. Has recently got in touch with me. I'm now in my mid-thirties. Over the years I have repeatedly avoided him and not responding to his messages but somehow, he always seems to find me (thank you social networking sites -not!)

He broke my heart because he couldn't live with his family not liking me (interracial relationship - his parents refused to accept a non-white girlfriend). So he 'forced' himself to fall out of love and he left me after 5 years citing that he could not live in contempt with his family. So he left me really - for the colour of my skin.

We lived together, and we had a really lovely time together. I have fond memories of him trekking around the world in our single young twenty-dom years....sigh..and we had pledged our lives to each other but he couldn't follow through.

Since he got in touch, he said he wants to meet me and told me he still loves me and wants to know how I am getting on. He is suffering from guilt and hurt over the years because of the way his family treated me and hurt because I did not respond to his repeated attempts of contact. But this week...I caved in this time...and responded to him on email.

And all of a sudden, it has invoked deep feelings (and unhappiness) and I'm not sure we can be friends.

Ex's are such a bitch aren't they?

He's a married family man and I too have a family. I find it strange he keeps wanting to get in touch year after year.....(but I have left once wanted to until this time.....because he would not give up!).

He told you he still loves you...you are both with partners and kids!

Leave well alone. He's after a shag. If he wanted to be with you. He have gone through hell to be so. He didnt he's with someone else now.

Feel for you. It can take a huge amount of time to get over someone even if you gave no desire to invoke the relationship again.

I have an ex it took 6 years at least to get over and he wasn't a bad ex! We split before a big career change of mine and a big profession of his after 2 years on and off together (I was abroad and he was on your of duty some of the time). We remained v close friends though nothing sexual has ever happened between us outside of our original relationship. We meet up sometimes only once a year and have talked about getting back together several times - sometimes I want to but it's mostly him. I talk myself out of it because he is no match for me intellectually and I think I would be bored. In other ways he is totally fan and whoever gets to marry him is v lucky indeed. Every time we part we both feel crappy emotionally and like its a huge wrench to say goodbye. This is followed by feeling v down and emotional. This went in for 6 years. When I split with exp he came to visit and see if I was ok - no motive just concern and I felt like hell when he left. He came again last week and it was the very first time I didn't cry after we said good bye and like something had finally lifted.
It's a strange thing. He treated me well, there's no animosity and yet emotionally it killed me for years

You have to leave it in the past, where it belongs starry.

Don't get suckered in by his sweet words. He's married and he's after a shag.

Sorry, but if he really loved you then he would never have dumped you because of the colour of your skin.

I love the way that he's apparently "hurt" because you didn't respond to his efforts to get in touch. What on earth did he expect?

Don't take it any further. You're worth much more than this weak, manipulative cheating scumbag.

Starry you can do better than this.. however as some months have passed update us...what happened?