Hi there, have name changed just for this post. Feel like I'm going crazy at the moment and wanted to share the situation on here because I can't speak to anyone in RL (either they know the people involved or would think I was completely mad).
Basically, I've been in a stable relationship for the past 10 years with a partner who is loving, steady, reliable - but completely the opposite of me in many ways. Outwardly, the relationship looks great - we've bought and done up a house together, he's supported me through a career change, we've discussed kids etc. Except that in other ways it isn't. DP is older than me by several years, but it's always been me who's brought up the subject of marriage and kids - it just doesn't seem to be on his agenda, and I've watched all my friends from school and uni pair off and get married, while we're still bumbling along as we were. Then there's the fact that I've never been hugely physically attracted to DP - it's not that I find him repulsive or anything, but we've never had the honeymoon period that most couples experience, where you can't keep your hands off each other - we immediately settled into what I'd term 'middle aged predictability', despite the fact that I was only 22 when we got together. Our sex life is currently verging on the non-existent, something which I have to admit is mainly down to my indifference (not to sex in general, but to sex with DP).
Recently, I found out that my first boyfriend, who I've vaguely stayed in touch with, has split up with his long-term girlfriend. Ours could hardly be termed a long relationship - we dated briefly before I went to university, then wrote each other lengthy and overwrought letters over the next 3 or 4 years in which we bared our souls to each other. Then we both got involved in our own lives, and just kind of lost touch. I started seeing DP and he stayed single all though university and for several more years until he met his ex. But since I found out they'd split, I can't think of anything else; it's like the past 15 years have vanished and my old adolescent feelings for him have resurfaced. I'm finding myself musing on 'What ifs', fantasising about him, checking his Facebook page like a deranged stalker - you name it! Surely I shouldn't be this affected by the break-up of an old flame who I've barely seen in the last five or six years? I think the main problem is that he's the polar opposite of my current partner - sensitive, creative, a bit flaky, a bit tortured - basically a male version of me - and I can't shake the feeling that he is my soul mate, and that we were somehow meant to be together (not helped that all my friends still maintain that they had expected us to end up together too!).
I realise that this is all very silly, and probably just a symptom of issues within my current relationship. But I've been acting like a teenager - mopey, teary and off-hand with DP - for the past few days, and I need other people (who are slightly more objective than myself!) to tell me to stop it and pull myself together. Please be as harsh as you like, as I know I'm being daft!