'Friends' who invite themselves round with brood of kids and never return the favour

[perceptionreality]

Does anyone else have these? I have one friend who repeatedly texts me to say she's coming round without a moment's notice and never ever invites us to hers. I have another similar 'friend'.

Is this acceptable or am I out of touch? I thought friendships were about give and take!

You should either tell her not to come round as you are busy it's okay to say no or just randomly turn up at her house one day see how she likes it

Returning the favour would be putting up with you inviting yourself around to hers.

Nope, I don't. The most I might get is an old friend coming my way at short notice (by which I mean a day or two) and even then I'm always honest if it isn't convenient. Do what oldbag says and when she texts, say 'sorry, I'm off out today, what a shame, let's meet up soon' and leave it.

Or even leave out the 'let's meet up soon' bit unless they are really good friends and you'd like to keep in touch.

Well this time I did say no. But in the past I've had her shouting through my letterbox. Oh and then there was the time recently when we had an advanced arrangement for her to come at 10.30. At 11 o clock she texted to say she had been held up and would be there soon. Then she didn't turn up. No word, nothing. I just don't understand how people think it's reasonable to behave like this!

Unfortunately there are people who behave like this, simply because they are allowed to get away with it. Did you challenge her on not turning up?

Also,do you even want to meet up with her, as it doesn't sound like a friendship to me. More a one sided exploitation scenario.

Oh yes, she sent me a text to apologise about 2 weeks later. Apparently she'd had to collect an application form or something.

I have actually suggested a coffee somewhere but she never wants to.

Ugh bad behaviour.
Old bag is sensible - but I do wonder what she would say if you suddenly invited yourself over with all your children without warning (do you have any kids to bring?)

Your friend is taking the piss.
I had a friend like this once. Would invite herself and her ds round and she would sit on the sofa reading magazines whilst I fed, played and watched her ds wrecking the house and then she sailed off.
Once she arrived and told me that he hadn't had anything to eat and he wanted a ham sandwich. I didn't have any so she told me to go to the shop.
Or the time she left him with me when he was 6 months for half an hour and didn't come back for 4. I had been left no nappies or milk. Or the time when I was pregnant and I nearly fainted when I stood up as my bp was low and the only thing she said was "well x is still waiting for his juice".
Was never invited back to hers with my DS. That wasn't the role she had assigned me in her life- I was a glorified babysitter
She did it to others as well not just me. I put up with it at first as I felt sorry for her kid. She is a total narcissist.
Don't see her anymore. I just stopped answering her calls. Do the same.

do what bag said:

The next time you receive a text saying she and her children are about to descend you could reply to say you're out/just about to go out/are ill but would love to see her so could you visit her in a day or two or whenever's convenient.

It's not acceptable to repeatedly invite yourself along to a friends house yet not return the hospitality

Don't let her in, just be honest and say you can't cope with a load of kids in your home and need some peace.

I know a few mums that do this who tidy there house in morning and then land at other friends house for day so her's doesnt get messy! She doesnt text the friends either!

I used to invite friend with dcs around mine after about 10 times realised I was paying out for meals all the time...invite never returned so never invited her again...we just meet for coffee now as she has husband with good job and I am on my own could not afford it every week.

I have a friend who is in your shoes OP. She has a friend (not me) who is constantly wanting to be round there, eating all her food, turning up at meal times, letting her kids misbehave, make a mess etc, and is always reluctant to return the favour.

People like this only do it because they are allowed to. Keep saying no. If she turns up on your doorstep again answer the door with your coat in your hand, tell her you are off out, and don't invite her in. Suggest you all meet at the park or pop round to hers one day next week.

have name changed in case people who know me recognise themselves in my reply. I had a circle of 'friends' who did exactly that. They didn't turn up unannounced. What they'd do is stand in a group after school and then one of their children (always the same one) would come up and say: Can we come play at your house? The mum never said: it's rude to invite yourself. She'd just look on expectantly. Then if I said yes because I felt under pressure, the other kids would say: can we also go? And before you knew it, I'd have 12 kids trashing my house while the mums drank tea and I ran around like a lunatic breaking up fights and tidying up. They never returned the favour even when I blatantly said things like: I can't have anyone at my house today because DH is working from home - we'd love to come to someone elses. They'd just shrug and go off and my kids would whisper to me 'can we play with someone'. I couldn't bring myself to just invite myself. But I did get very ruthless about letting them come around - which was sad as it meant neither the kids or I got company

They also came to ours countless times for dinners, BBQs, drinks parties etc. Never got a single invite back. We've since moved.

mac. Just reading that makes me really with them.
It really seems the only way to deal with these kind of people is to plainly say no, but I really do understand the pressure.

Blimey are people who do this 'friends'? They sound like freeloaders to me. I'd be extricating myself pronto.

I have three children. She has two and they are not badly behaved at all - quite the opposite actually, it's just that the relationship feels totally one sided, and yes she obviously doesn't have any respect for me.

Some of these stories are shocking - asking you to go out and get ham???? Actually I had another friend like that ('you don't have any drink I like, can you go out and buy some?') but that was pre-children and I don't see or speak to her any more.

I'd say the best way to deal with these people is to give them a wide berth. As all these stories show, they have no respect for you. They are not friends,just users.