I am looking for some advice (perhaps a quick kick up the bum too). This is a long story but I will try to give you the shortened version.
H and I were married for 12 years, 3 children age 9 (autistic), 7 and 5. Youngest starts school tomorrow! yay!. After I had her I had major complications which has resulted in severe chronic pain and limited mobility. Due to this I have had to give up work. I had a job that I loved and could work round the children so it was perfect.
H then had to take a better job but with much more responsibility and travelling. He hated this. He couldnt deal with being away. After 18 months he was made redundanty and as if that wasnt enough I discovered that he had joined dating agencies when he was working at the other end of the country. I only found out as my DD put his phone in the washing machine and I took the sim out and put it in an old phone to see if it worked and there were new messages. They were from people on the Dating sites. After much more snooping it appears that he never replied to any of them but denied everything.
Our DD was then really ill and was hospitalised. He was so good with everything and showed so much remorse that I eventually thought things were better and after 5 months he got a new job with no travelling and was happy.
Then last September we were on holiday and I had borrowed his laptop to check my emails and typed in the address bar H and it came up with HOTDATES instead of hotmail. I was devastated and couldnt believe he had done it again. He said he was at a work function and got drunk and was just looking for pictures. I am not stupid but felt I didnt even want to snoop this time as I had had enough. I throw him out. The kids were devastated but we have been doing okay. They see him loads. He come round anytime he can even just to take them for a walk or to the park because I cant.
However recently he has been telling me things. Stuff about the past that I didnt know. He was never very good at communicating but recently he has been. He has been seeing a councillor since last year and now thinks that we should go to the councillor together as he hates the way he hurt me and wants to try and explain what happened and why it happened. He says he loves me and I do believe that. He has been staying at his Mums and when he isnt there he is here with his children. He says he could never look at another women as she would never measure up to me.
I am not sure what to do. I have never stopped loving him but have had really awful depression and only now feel like I have it under control and dont ever want to go back there. When we separated I was in a really dark place and hated myself and now I feel like I am a brighter person.
I really long for a happy future but dont know which way to go. Should I go to meet the councillor? Should I just keep my distance? I feel so lost :-(.