Anyone else thinks their partner doesn't help out very much?

[Chelc100]

I have been with my partner for nearly 4yrs and we have a 2yr old daughter. When she was first born I suffered from PND and my partner was supportive and helped me through it. Now I seemed to have recovered from it and he does fuck all around the house unless I keep on at him. He doesn't get up by himself unless I physically wake him up, he won't get up with our daughter, he sits on the PS3 all night into the early hours of the morning, he is unemployed and I gave up working - so he could and he hasn't bothered his backside!
Is there anyone else in a similar situation? I've given him ultimatum after ultimatum and we've argued and he said he would change and hasn't bothered!
Can anyone offer advice?

I think its definitely a good idea to try the counselling before you just throw in the towel. It might be a life changing thing for you both but if it isn't and he doesn't change you will be able to walk away knowing you tried rather than 'what ifs. Good luck.

He doesnt listen to you. He doesnt think you are srious.

You need to tell decide a consequence of this, for him. Then tell him. Then mean it. Step 3 it literally absolutely critical.

eg if you do not help in the house, and take a list of tasks and do them, I will stop doing your washing or cooking etc for you.

This worked for me after 18 years of moaning and getting nowhere.

His mum did a lot for him but he has been through a lot too (stuff I didn't know until recently), counseling will hopefully get this all out.
I know I have to stick to step 3 fiventhree so I'm going to

Well done you, Clelc. There are good books on how to manage your boundaries. Running off to work now.

If people dont want to change they wont, chelc. My h used to justify not helping and then he moved on to 'i forgot' and finally to 'you nag'. Over a series of ears, whilst I became increasingly exhausted with work, kids and home. And whilst he made lots of room in his life for fun.

He just didnt respect me enough to contribute equally- he was too entitled. So I changed myself, he saw the consequences, and then he had to change. Or live his life in chaos, as I still sorted myself out.

See what I mean?

I also made excuses for him- he had this or that issue in his past, which explained his laziness, and this was true too. But he is an adult now. He must sooner or later learn what his childhood didnt teach him. He may not want to learn it. You cant make him either. But you can protect your own boundaries about how you will live and what you can accept, and what you will do for him in return for what he does for you.

It is amazing what change he will come to learn that way, ie, the hard way!

years not ears