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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Rant. I feel so depressed when we've seen DH's family.

10 replies

Sparklemagic · 12/03/2006 12:24

I know what you're going to say, and I'd say it to others if they posted this. I KNOW we need to see less of them but my MIL looks after my DS one afternoon a week while I am at work so I feel very ungrateful if we just use her as free childcare then ignore the family the rest of the time! We tend to visit one time over the weekend for a couple of hours and after yesterday even that is TOO MUCH.

I probably won't be able to explain it properly but it's just that since we've had our DS it's highlighted the differences between us. My SIL has always been a complete spoiled princess, embarrassingly so, but now we both have kids she is UNBEARABLE. She sits and 'holds court' about anything and everything, while everyone else runs about after her children btw, and we are so completely opposite on all our beliefs; she believes in smacking. Her kids have attended pre-school from the legal minimum age, 5 mornings a week. They are railroaded into 'activities' and have spent at least two days a week since they were born, staying out of the house with my MIL so SIL and BIL can go out. This is just a few of the things we are poles apart on but I find so impossible is their attitude to us as a family, which is obviously that they think we are as wrong as we think they are! Why does it matter to me what she and my MIL think?????? Why do I feel so utterly and genuinely depressed when we've seen them???? Am I mad????

OP posts:
Socci · 12/03/2006 12:30

No, you're not mad. But I would keep my distance if you don't enjoy their company. People don't often change their views on the issues you describe. Alternatively you could just refuse to discuss contentious issues - keep the conversation to small talk.

rummum · 12/03/2006 12:34

Can you visit when SIL is not there.. or does she live with MIL..
sorry not much help..

Sparklemagic · 12/03/2006 12:40

socci, thanks and of course you are right. I have to say though that these are the ONLY topics of conversation when we meet. SIL and MIL just talk, and talk, about how many friends her children have because of pre-school, how advanced they are, how she had to give her DS a 'little smack' for this or that, how she got these trainers or that designer top, doesn't her DS' hair look lovely (cutin a mullet and gelled - he's 18 mnths) There's nothing they say that I can comfortably tlk to them about if you see what I mean.

I don't want to be a winger but DH and I have been together for years and in the last four of them every visit has been stomach churning for me. You are right though. I will have to stop the weekend visits because as you say, we are on seperate positions from which there is no movement!!

OP posts:
Sparklemagic · 12/03/2006 12:41

rumum, SIL seems to time her visits to MIL for when we are there! Bizarre! She can't enjoy my company any more than I enjoy hers, surely?

OP posts:
Nikkinoo · 12/03/2006 13:22

Hi Sparkle

What does your DH say....
Does he support your feelings. TBH she sounds a bit tacky a mullet on a baby!!!

Miaou · 12/03/2006 13:35

Sounds to me like SIL gets her pleasures from running you down sparklemagic - do you think she inflates her own self-confidence at your expense?

bran · 12/03/2006 14:06

Why don't you invite your MIL over to your house (but not SIL obviously)?

peachmelba · 12/03/2006 15:12

your SIL seems a bit insecure. do you reckon she feels threatened? my SIL is always trying to put her DH into competition with my DS when it comes to family. i refuse to be drawn into these conversations as i don't feel i have to justify myself as a (try to be) good mum or sell my DS to anybody.

Sparklemagic · 12/03/2006 17:59

oh thanks guys. I had never considered she might be trying to justify herself and feeling a bit insecure - but thinking on what you've said, I think this could be it - its difficult to believe because she seems SO confident (and I've never met someone who puts out such an impression of immoveable self belief!) but as you say it would explain why she's such a PIA. It certainly feels like she 'bigs' herself up at my expense and it doesn't help that she is a REAL talker, never stops, so you find out every little minute detail of her life!

Talking about it here has made me more determined to avoid her though. My MIL is not so bad when it's just me and DH and DS so I think I can cope with that...

thanks for letting me rant when it's obvious what I need to do!Grin

OP posts:
INLOVEWITHEXSQUADDIE · 12/03/2006 21:16

No I hate my IL'S too

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