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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

advice/opinions needed pls help :(......

6 replies

Kellstar83 · 19/08/2012 22:27

hi there all im new to this but wondered if anyone had any advice as its really stressing me out and im 8 months pregnant so not needed :(
bit of background 1st....
i dont get on with my mum at all, never have done really my parents divorced when i was young and she was never very kind/maternal to me so eventually i went to live with my dad
its something as an adult i have just learned to put up with as i have 2 children of my own now who love her and i dont want my feelings towards her to impact on them
things came to a head 2 years ago i had been in a abusive marriage for 5 years (my mum knew this as ex husband admitted to her he used to hurt me) the marriage ended 2 years ago as he had an affair, stole all mine and the childrens money and left us with nothing
since this thier relationship has if anything got stronger (they were always close and used to gang up on me, he has also since remarried), my mum paid all his solicitors fees when i divorced him even though he has a very well paid job and i paid my own, my children are supposed to see thier dad every other weekend although this hardly ever happens as he is usually too busy out drinking yet everytime she comes over she brings him up to try and start an argument
its been 2 years now and i dont want to hear about him constantly and be reminded of the hell he put me through (although my mum thinks i made all the violence up to try and ruin him even tho he admitted it) they are so pally with each other and its really hurtful when he ruined my life for so many years, i have a daughter and if i knew her husband had treated her like that someone would have to stop me doing something i regretted NEVER wouldd i be friends with him!
today she has babysat the children as it is his weekemd but he didnt want them....she and the children went over to his to collect some clothes that were never returned from thier last visit and my son needs....i had a friend over when she dropped them off and she waltzed in and announced that she thinks i should text my ex and thank him for returning my sons clothes (that i paid for and she had to collect from him!) when i asked why on earth would i thank him as i asked for them back 4 weeks ago she replied to show that im a responsible mother!!!! and just went on and on about it infront of my friend

really need to know is it me going mad??? why does she act like this?? and what can i do to stop her without it impacting my kids????
sorry for the rant in tears now thinking i must be going mad and wondering how a mum can be so hurtful???

OP posts:
seven77 · 19/08/2012 22:34

You say you don't want your relationship with her to impact on your kids but what do they get out of seeing her? Do you want them to think its acceptable for people to be treated the way shd treats you? If your DCs dad wants nothing to do with them it's really none of her business. Tbh I'd distance myself from her, life is too short to make an effort with people who only make you feel bad about yourself.

Kellstar83 · 19/08/2012 22:40

the kids really like her thats the hard bit and why i havent said before shes not allowed round etc as they would be upset by that :(

OP posts:
HeartMyDd · 19/08/2012 22:40

Big hugs op!!
My mother was never very materal either, I also lived with my father :) my mother wasn't as bad as yours sounds and she did take my side and stuck up for me when my ex partner became "a problem" ... if I were you I would have told her to sling her hook many years ago, I know she's your mother and she's a grandmother but do you really want a woman like that around your children? As they get older they will pick up on her attitude, is that really a subject your going to want to explain?? Obviously your mummy and you know best for your children but I'd really consider closing the door on her. I hope your not too upset by her behaviour, you deserve better :) I'm sure lots of mn'ers will share advise with you here :) good luck x

Jellykat · 19/08/2012 23:13

Kellstar, Have you seen the stately homes thread?

Link

I think you'll get lots of advice there from MNers in the same position (a bit late tonight, so i'd post early evening for more traffic)

Good Luck

Kellstar83 · 19/08/2012 23:28

thank u :) will have a look tomorrow, can i put my post into there or do i have to type it all out again?
sorry new to this.....but finding it really helpful already :) x

OP posts:
Jellykat · 19/08/2012 23:53

Yes you can link through a link - i just tried it because i wasn't sure (as a preview message, didn't actually post!) Smile

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