I'm thinking about leaving

[amieis]

Partner and I have been together almost 2 years (have known each other since I was 11) and we have a 5mo dd.
When we first got together everything was great (as it is) but over the last 12 months everything has changed for the worst.
He never hugs me, wont kiss me (even on the cheek), never says he loves me, he constantly tells me that I'm fat, even though I know that I'm not. I know that I am not in the shape I was pre-pregnancy, but considering dd is only 5months and I am back in my size 10 trousers, it makes me feel worthless that he constantly says I have a fat ass or my hips are fat. He is also constantly telling me that I need to "tone up" and go to the gym/do more exercise.
Recently I saw messages on his phone to a girl who he told me he would have sex with if he had the chance. He told me that he no longer spoke to her because he knew it upset me. They were disgusting and hurtful and quite frankly the final straw.
I'm on anti depressants because of him, which when he found out he mocked me for, and continues to do so.
He is not supportive with dd, even though he appears to be a good dad to everyone else.
There is so much more I could write but I want to keep the post as short as possible. He is making me feel so worthless and generally shit, and I just don't want to be with him anymore. I love him so much and it makes me really sad to say that, but I know that he's being mentally abusive towards me and its not healthy for me or dd to stay.
The only reason I'm reluctant to go is because he claims that he would have custody rights over me because he has a better support network, he owns the house we live in and has a little money, where I have nothing, no family nearby, no home without him and no money.
How true is this? Would he be able to take dd away from me?
I feel so scared and alone she is my whole world and I couldnt cope without her
Thanks for reading such a long post

No way would he be able to take your child away. Have you anyone in real life you can speak to, who can support you?

my dad and step mother live in another country and I have no other support. I feel really lost because he just cant see how he is bullying me.
Are you positive he would not be able to?
I'd never stop him from seeing her as he does love her to bits, and I wouldn't want anything from him

I'm pretty positive. Unless the mum is neglectful or doesn't want the child then custody is almost always awarded to the mum. I don't have any legal experience but this is my understanding.

You don't have to put up with this. Can you call your mum and get support?

He cannot take her away from you. You have equal rights as parents. Get out as soon as you possibly can. Phone Citizens advice, the council, I'm sure other mums here will have good advice but resolve to get away from this poisonous man as soon as you possibly can.

unhappy my mom died when I was tiny. My stepmom is an amazing woman and has put up with a lot of shit from me since she has been with my dad. I cant put this on her as she is having a lot of trouble with her son at the moment and after 5 years being off anti depressants herself, has recently had to start taking them again because of him. I dont want to add any more burden to her.
xmumof3x my op doesnt even cover half of how much of a twat he is. A previous post I made had other mumsnetters make me realise he has been gaslighting me

Can you speak to your dad? Do you have friends you can call?

Residence disputes favour 50/50 where possible but with the main carer remaining the same. If the child is pre-school and has a sahp and a f/t working parent then the courts wouldn't award 50/50 that would be daft.
The courts favour keeping the status quo for the child so would not award primary residence to the parent who does the minority of childcare unless the main parent was abusive or neglectful.

Op your boyfriend is a dick. If I were you I would be making plans to leave, in secret.

God, he sounds horrible. I agree with Erik about your position wrt residency.

When it comes down to it, I wonder if he would even bother to go to court etc as he you say he's not supportive of her anyway.

I have already looked into how to get my name on the council list as there is no way I can afford to pay private rent. I really don't want anything from him financially, I just don't want him to take dd.
He says that because he has his mom and dad close by, and that they could look after her while he's at work, that he'd get custody because he's in a better position to provide for her. I don't see how he figures that one though as she's breast fed atm and so he is seriously lacking in ability to feed her!
He also 'jokes' all the time that she's not his or that he never consented to us having sex when she was conceived (which is not true I hasten to add) that he 'just lay there and took one for the team' (sorry if that's tmi) but I have NEVER cheated on him, have not even looked at another man sinc we've been together and I am certainly not a rapist as he is apparantly making me out to be. It makes me feel sick whenever he says that.

You may well get housing benefit so you could rent privately. Please go to the CAB and find out your rights.

i wonder if you can speak to your health visitor about leaving due to his horrible behaviour? I am so glad you are thinking of leaving because he sounds deeply unpleasant. You do have rights, never let him tell you otherwise.

Here is a benefits checker someone else posted on another thread and it might be useful for you www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx