What's wrong with me?

[2wwmadness]

Things keep happening to me in my life. It must be something I'm doing and I wish I knew coz I'm tired. I just want a normal life. I'm sick of fighting. My biggest fear is being lonley. I think I'm gunna push everyone away and end up on my own totally. Everyone tells me I'm the strongest person they know. I'm sick of being strong. Let me explain.
At 16 I didn't speak to my mum for 3 years. I loved this bf I had at the time, mum hates him. I thought she was wrong. We didn't speak for 3 years and in the meantime, they moved away and I refused to go. We are fine now. But who's family does that?! I pushes them so far.

The bf beat me up. Badly. The psychological abuse was bad. I left him when I woke up in hospital one day and my dad was there. They took me to their new home and it was never discussed. Not what happened to me. Turns out the bf was gay. Sleeping with men behind my bag. Everyone knew but me. No one old me.

I met my husband, fell in love, gor married. Developed horiffic eating disorder. Got better. Was hard work, but I did it. We moved yearly all around the country for dh's job. I always made friends but never really had a "home". Every time we moved it took another piece from me.
In 2009 husband cheated on me. One night stand. I went off the rails. Partying, drugs. We got over it and got back together. He pursued me and won me round again.

We moved to the other side of the country, he asked me for a baby. Well, we both wanted one.
I conceived last year, had a miscarriage. Conceived again. When I was 30 weeks pg dh moved to our new city for work. I was left in old city to finish work. Moved down when I was heavily pregnant to be with dh. Who promptly told me he didn't love me anymore.
Que weeks of hell. To cut along story short, I filled for divorce when my son was 2 weeks old. I've done it all by myself. Hes got a new woman, I'm sure he had her when I was pregnant but he denies. I don't think I care anymore.
Then to top it all, my best friend of 12 years has stopped talking to me this week. We have never had a row. It's over something silly and she has just Compleatly cut me off.
I've just handed in the paper work for my new home. I'm skint, have no furniture and it's gunna be hard. And I just feel like I'm sick of battling, sick of being brave. I want to know why these things happen to me. What it is in my personality? I wish someone would tell me! Why am I so bad?

You aren't bad - you have just made some unfortunate choices in the past and I think many of us do this. I do wonderif this might be better posted in Relationships as you might get a better response. Not sure if you think you are depressed but it seems to me that life events have caused you to be so stressed, and to be honest I think you must be very emotionally strong to be still standing. To be left with a 2 week baby is really dreadful. I wonder how old you are, and maybe you will make better choices with me in the future. I made bad choices with men for much of my life.........

I'm 26. I don't feel depressed. Just confused as to why it keeps happening?

Sorry pressed send to soon. I put it here because at times I think there might be something wrong with me. Do you think it is simply bad desisions?!

If you don't feel depressed then you are'nt - you would know if you were believe me. People say they are "depressed" when they feel a bit low and it's just not the same.

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. As I said I think you must be using your "reserve tank" of emotional energy to be stil standing after all that has happened to you. You are very young and when we are young (not me anymore am 68!) but when I look back at the decisions I made and how naieve I was, especially about men, and I suffered domestic violence and was an umarried mother in the 60's when you were really looked down upon, I have so many regrets.

I wonder what sort of upbringing you had, because the adult we become is very much related to our own experiences of being a child. If we are lucky enough to have good caring parents we tend to grow up feeling that we are ok and are better equipped to take the ups and downs of life. Mind I was so over protected that I thought all men were lovely and caring like my dad! What a bloody shock I got.

Try to learn from what has happened - I wonder if you are a bit too ready to get into relationships and may act a bit impulsively at times, I don't know I am just guessing. You willk get through all this shit and when you are my age you will look back on it all and there are very few of us who don't have regrets about certain periods in our life.

Try to steady things down a bit, and think a lot more about men in your life and weigh them up before you commit. I wonder if you are an emotionally needy person, who feels the need to have a male partner at any cost. Sorry I'm guessing again.

Think you will have a much better response in "Relationships" and young women like yourself will be along to advise rather than an old crone like me!!

No a lot of what you are saying is right! My dad is my idol! All the men in my family are "good men" and I'm shocked that certain things have happened to me. I fall in love very quickly and I'm very passionate. I guess that's easy to take advantage of, I need to think before i act. I feel I'm too tiring for anyone. Thank you. I'm gunna try and get this moved

Hi, we've moved this into Relationships. Thanks.