Please Talk Me Down

[IfHappyLittleBluebirdsFly]

I'm married, adequately at best. I have 2 children whom I adore and whose world I would not want to rock under any circumstances. Now the spanner.... there is a guy at work who has just set all of my radars off and who, I have no doubt, feels the same, though he is married too. Have never felt like this, i.e. I can't wait to go back to work on Monday. We are flirting outrageously, but I know it has to stop. Help me get a grip...

It's lust.

Avoid and back off. If there is a problem with your marriage, sort it out or split up; this other man should be nothing to do with that.

just think of it as your little fantasy. Its not real, it cant be, its just a work flirt which will pass. It will pass, we all get crushes from time to time, just think of it as a really good compliment and enjoy the flirting but don't risk it all for this.

Try to get a bit of distance and perspective. If it doesn't pass, perhaps you do need to have a little think about your home life situation.

It's not worth it, is it? That's what I need to hear. It is SUCH an ego boost though and makes work so much more interesting :) :(

There's nothing wrong with fancying someone but do you really want to hurt your family?

Could you put photos of your children on your desk? A quick look at them might remind you to rein yourself in.

Also, would you want to be involved with a cheater? Would you want someone to say, too, that they couldn't trust you?

Doing something with the guy at work is not an option. It just isn't. Full stop. All our actions are always borne of choice. If you choose to do something with this man you have made a choice to jeapordise the wellbeing of your family unit. There's no 'I didn't mean it to happen'. You will have made a choice.

However, that doesn't mean you should stay in your marriage necessarily. Use this experience to take a long, hard look at your marriage. Is there something lacking in it? Can you build on it? What do you want from it and is it achievable? If not, what can you do about it?

In short, if your marriage is on the ropes and it's time to call it a day, then that's one thing, but never, ever use the cowardly way of having an affair to call time. It simply makes divorce a million times harder and messier. If the hot new guy at work really cares for you, he'll wait and sort out his own relationship entanglements before chasing you too.

You don't want to hurt your dc by letting them know you don't love their beloved Daddy?

How much worse to not only have to tell them that you don't love their beloved Daddy but you think this man is better and you're replacing Daddy with the stranger

I think you may be blowing this out of proportion, you absolutely do not have to fall onto the cock of "man at work" just because you feel guilty for having a crush and a flirt outside your marriage.

Do things to help safeguard you from this like talking to your husband about it or about parts of it.

You are rocking their world.

Thanks guys for your feedback, I really appreciate it - what Pidgin and Nanny said, in particular, have really hit home. It's nice to have a bit of fun in the office but that's where it must stay.