Am I expecting too much from a fairly close friend?

[Dior]

Pretty much what it says in the title. I have a closeish friend (3+ years), who is a good laugh. She will discuss serious issues with me, and we have been fairly close. However, two major things in my life (depression and weight gain) she won't discuss with me. I understand that she has no understanding of depression, but it would be nice to be able to offload a little without feeling like I should 'snap out of ut'. Also, she is no light weight herself, but she is very confident and her dh loves her any size. Whenever I try to mention literally anything about my weight, I can see her glazing over.

Now, before anyone thinks I must be a right old bore, I don't discuss these things in great depth with any Tom, Dick or Harry. She has been quite a close friend, and has always been supportive with other issues, like when I was having a bad time with dh. Now I am wondering if I wasn't just gossip fodder for her with these things, because she is a terrible gossip and can't keep a secret for anything.

The thing is, in the past I have enjoyed her company because I have always had to be light-hearted with her. It has been a breath of fresh air not to be miserable all the time, and to be with someone who is always so 'up'. Now though, it is a strain to keep smiling through everything, and I just feel like I shouldn't have to be with a close friend.

What I suppose I am asking is if I shouldn't just accept that it is not such a close friendship as I had previously thought, and move on. The situation is muddled becausxe our DSs are good mates. Also, I wonder if I should just accept her company as it stands, and not tell her anything personal...

What do you all think?

cod you didn't parp my hugs!! >

oh paritty parp!

is that cleansing for you donk?

Oh, only 28 lbs of the 50 I lost

Depression has a lot to answer for...that with me being a total porker!

do the two go hand in hand? ( seriously intersted q)
when i was marginally depressed i coudlnt eat ( henc i knew i was raving mad)

They do for me. I wish I lost the taste for food, but I crave crappy food.

i rememebr looking at a roast meal on a side plate( that was how repressed my appetite was) and howling

mad as a snake

Hiss!

Going to bed now (2am to bed last night, woken at 6am!)

Thanks all for the advice...MN does it again.

Update on friend:

I avoided her for a few weeks, and she eventually rang and asked to get together. When we did, she said that it was lovely to see me again and that she had missed talking to me...

So, the following week, we went to hers. She seemed to be making an effort to not put down any comments I made about my weight loss and my depression. She asked us all to come over for a meal on June 24th. So far, so good.

Anyway, I got a message on the phone yesterday...'We can't make 24th now, it is XXX's birthday party'. XXX is her adult friend.

No apology

No 'I forgot we had already been invited when I booked you in' (which would have been a lie, because I saw the diary when we arranged it, but at least it would have been an attempt to make it nicer).

So, now I feel second best. She arranges to see us, and then cancels when she gets a better offer. I've had it now, and am ignoring her calls until I have thought of a non-accusatory comment to make that will make it clear I am not happy. I don't want to be a bitch, but neither will I make a new date.

Hi Dior, is your depression maybe colouring the way you see this friend? I mean, what struck me is you like her because she's so upbeat and positive and yet you're dissatisfied because she won't be drawn into discussing things that are getting you down.

Just wondering too, why you need to discuss your weight with her. I have to admit I don't have much patience with people who do this because I think along the lines: well eat less and move more and that's all there is to it really. I wouldn't want to chew over that topic more than once with anyone either really.

Wondering now if I'm a bad friend

No, I'm not depressed at the moment. She was always someone who said, 'You can discuss anything with me', but what she really means is any gossip about myself!

She has said in the past that her brother is slightly autistic in that he doesn't empathise with people's emotions. I think she may be the same to a small extent.

Don't get me wrong, I don't bore for England on dieting or depression, but I sort of expect close friends to offer support of some kind. I think I maybe expect too much. However, I'm more annoyed about this latest thing of cancelling on us for a better offer.

From what you have said SSSandy, maybe I should back off from her, because she's obviously not the sort of friend who helps you through bad times, although she professes to be the opposite

Thanks for responding though.