How private is your bedroom?

[Dryjuice25]

MIL budged in without knocking when I had clearly stated I was BF dd who is 5wks old. I was horrified but managed to remain calm.This behaviour has happened a few times over the years and rattles me beyond words. Dp thinks I'm overreacting. Mil and I don't get on that well but I try my level best to tolerate her as she loves dcs dearly though I know she dislikes me hence the feeling of invasion of pvt space when she does this. AIBU and WWY?

yanbu but she probably doesn't realise so you will have to spell it out to her?
my inlaws don't seem to see bedrooms as private at all, and they do just sit on people's beds and chat and that kind of thing, they would not realise that most people don't do this and my dh doesnt seem it as an issue either. so i have gone less private about bedrooms than i was before cos it doesn't seem to be too much worth an argument,but with you being bf and them barging in, you should say something as that must have felt quite uncomfy for you if you wanted privacy. i think just say it in a direct way but with a smile on your face so she cant take offense, like 'mil i know you are keen to see the baby but while im feeding please make yourself comfy downstairs and we will be down soon as we can, i feel more comfy bf in private im sure you understand :) :) :)" - then what else can she do but take it on board, you've asked politely but clearly she would have to be quite bold to just disregard that and carry on!

She obviously didn't know 'I'm feeding the baby' meant 'Keep out'. Family are allowed to go where they want in our house, and I've been in various family members' bedrooms without seeking express permission first.

YANBU to want people to stay out, but you have to make sure they know about your rules. You shouldn't really be fuming over a misunderstanding.

Put a lock on the door, problem solved.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect privacy in your own bedroom however, it's possible your MIL just didn't think. You know the "you both have the same" thing.
If it makes you uncomfortable then say something to her.x

It's reasonable to expect privacy in your bedroom, but why retreat there to feed? You shouldn't be worried about feeding in front of MIL

This is something that irks me too. If the door is shut, surely it means you don't wish to be followed/disturbed?! Mind you, my PILs are staying this weekend in my bedroom so I'd better make it MIL-proof!

Oh and YANBU and tell her 'no!'

Mines not private at all as you have to walk through it to get to the garden. But I'd be annoyed if someone just walked in like that! I think maybe just have a quiet word with her, "To me my bedroom is a bit of a retreat, so next time if you'd like to come in I'd really appreciate it if you knocked. Or waited until I came out. Thanks".

Yanbu! I hate anyone going in my bedroom without permission. It's my 1 private place and I like to keep it that way

This would annoy me. My mil was staying at our house on the night we brought ds some from hospital and she came into our room in the middle of the night and tool him off me As he was crying. I have never really recovered from it and still cannot sleep if we are staying with them for fear she will do it again. ds is now 19 mo! Yanbu

YANBU. I second Mamhaf's suggestion. Get a latch or bolt and then, when she tries to barge in, call out that you're feeding the baby and you'll be out shortly.

Bedroom doors shut in my house means don't enter without knocking.

I also have a lock on the outside and inside of my bedroom door.

Why does BFing mean she shouldn't be in the room?

She's not a mindreader.

If she entered without knocking as the OP states, I would find that offensive. She may have been doing something else. I know she said she was BF'ing but what if she was also using the time for a quick change of clothes or a shower?

It is common courtesy to knock before entering someones bedroom.

surely if OP wasn't covering up when bf (and why should she in her house) then it's on for mil to look at her, unless OP expressly says it's fine?? I'm extremely private about my body, even to my owm relatives, let alone anyone else.

Margery OP has told MIL she was going up to BF so she didn't have to be a mindreader. She had been informed.

of course she should knock if a door is closed - so rude!

*it's NOt on

But if you wanted to BF in company, you would stay downstairs with the visitors.

I had the same and I didn't like it. Lots of family round and small baby who still needed a bit of care taking to latch on. I went upstairs to feed him away from the chatting and MIL followed me 2 minutes later to carry on talking at me while I tried to feed and just wanted a bit of peace.

I have always been happy to BF in front of other people, but sometimes you want a nice quiet feed with your baby. I think she was a bit rude, OP.

But you could have just dismissed her politely - yes, I'll be down in a few minutes when I have finished feeding Kacy-mae-seesaw .

I am nearly seven months pregnant and very stressed about how my mil is going to cope with our newborn baby. She absolutely does not 'do' subtle hints. We live in a bungalow and our bedroom is right next to the living room. I have a firm plan on escaping with the baby into our bedroom when they overwhelm me and I have found a door stop, you know one of those triangular ones, to stick under the door and prevent any unwelcome intruders. Anyone that doesn't know to check before barging in on someone in their bedroom needs a big unsubtle hint!

Thank you all for your responses......some made me laugh.
This validates that I'm not being a bitch by expecting mil to keep out/knock when I am feeding dd in my pvt space

Mameula- I'm def going for a door stop [why didn't I think of this before?]

Likeatonneofbricks- Thats exactly how feel.

Louloutheshamed- I could have written that post. It is awful and I hope you can sort it out. It's not nice to be made to feel life that in your own home. For me it's gonna be a door stop from now. Good luck.

I bet it never even occured to her that cause you were breastfeeding she couldnt come in.

BeeBee - if she wanted to bf in public she'd have stayed in the room with mil, as it's been explained, secondly if she wouldn't undress normally in front of mil (and really most people wouldn't!) then why should she think BF is different if not covered. Thirdly in ANY case when the door to bedroom is closed it's polite to knock. mil treats OP as if she an aid for the baby, as if it's her right to just see the baby anytime, no matter what the mother feels.

Suppose it depends on your relationship with your mil.I showed mil my bits after birth as they forgot to stitch me and she would walk in when I was bfing and I personally wouldnt think it was weird as shes meant to be like your mum.

you aer lucky to be so close though! going by what OP said they ae not in a great r-ship, so if mil not normally close then she should be considerate/polite, it's up to OP to give her a cue, same as you initiated with yours to show your bits, as you say. I'm personally shy even with my mum, can walk in underwear but not less than that!