I'm a horrendous parasite, apparently?

[FanDanceLil]

This was texted to me by my ex partner because I contacted the CSA for them to deal with child maintenance because I no longer wish to deal with him directly and I wanted help through regular payments not dribs and drabs.

Along with the above, he tells me via text that I also have to explain to our 11 year old son that it's my fault his dad has to quit work and give up his rented accommodation.

This was the man who quit work when our son was 3 weeks old because he didn't get enough disposable income after bills. I went straight back to work but could only manage to limp the mortgage along for about 2 years before we had to sell our home before it was repossessed. Foolishly, i spent another 3 years with him before we split.

So why do I feel so bad about trying to get him to be a responsible parent?

Don't you feel bad!!

He's the twat, not you.

Just like cheating bastards have a script, the reluctant non resident parent also has a script, which is used to manipulate and bully.

The reluctant NRP script usually involves poverty, forced into unemployment, homelessness etc. It's fucking boring!

Don't believe the hype. Parenting requires financial adjustment, and the CSA will impose this if he chooses not to himself.

I've heard it all over the years. Apparently I'm a cruel bitch trying to ruin his life. Apparently because of me it's no longer worth him working. Can you imagine if I had the same attitude towards parenting???

You feel bad because it's not nice to have someone say those things about you, even though logically it's complete rubbish. Besides, when you start to make a life with someone, you try to see their point of view, give them the benefit of the doubt etc. Even after splitting up it's a hard habit to break.

Thanks for your replies, it helps me that others feel it's not an unreasonable request.

I've had issues before with him constantly texting and demanding an immediate response (which I've managed to stop now following advice on here).

It's not in my nature to be vindictive and I've tried to support my son financially but in the interim I've married and have 2 more children (some thing else I've been selfish about according to him).

I've ignored the texts etc and not responded but it's my son that's getting his sob story now on contact visits. I've told my son he's a grown man and he makes his own decisions I haven't forced his dad to do anything but I worry about how my son perceives it all.

You feel bad because on the whole you are a reasonable, responsible adult who knows the score, and is still able to feel empathy for a fuckwit like this, because your decent is the reason it has hurt you.