Is this a 'mother' thing or is it just mine?

[DeckSwabber]

I'm in my forties. Since I left home I see my mum every few weeks.

Every time I see her comments on my weight.

I'm in the normal range, though could lose a few pounds atm. So last time it was 'are you pregnant?'. This time it was a pointed 'Are you slimming?'. Sometimes its a comment about how slim she is herself, while looking pointedly at my tummy.

Then she spends the rest of the visit trying to make me eat.

She pushes food in front of me saying things like 'you mustn't starve yourself!. This week she had bought a huge chocolate cake and lots of cream and ice cream. If I stay overnight she tries to get me to eat a cooked breakfast. When I say 'no' to all this extra food she makes a comment to other people about me being 'on a diet' as if this was the silliest thing ever.

Is this just what mums do?

No, mum and Grandma are both like this - they are just obsessed with commenting on people's weight!
Same thing - it's either 'oooh have you lost some weight' or....'oooh so and so's put on a bit of weight!'

I only ever comment on someone's weight if I'm 99.9% sure they've lost a shedload. I'm not sure if it's appropriate even then.

My dad calls me skinny, but at least he freely admits he's just jealous. :)

Thanks everyone.

I used to think it was her being a 'mum' - cooking the family meals or having friends over to eat has been a big part of her life and its part of being 'nurturing', and then the 'concern' over any weight gain could also be part of being a caring mum. I don't think she sees the contradiction or realises how unhelpful it is.

My mum is getting older now and I don't feel I can call her on it. She done it for the last 30 odd years and isn't going to change her ways.

I would say "I do not want you to make any negative comments about my weight or body". And stick to it. (I did say that to my own mother and it sorta worked. I never talk about food or diets or stuff like that with her.)

My mum is old too, but she sorta got it! But your call, your choice.

My elderly Mum is like this. I am either too fat, too thin, but mostly she comments on my hair - too dark, too long, too greasy looking, too dry looking etc etc. I got weighed at the Asthma Clinic recently and I was exactly the same weight as when they last weighed me 6 years ago so it is certainly all in her mind!

She also gets v upset if I dont eat a shed load of her home baking when I am there even when I am too fat!

Luckily I dont have any issues around my appearance which is a miracle given my Mother, so 99% of the time I laugh it off. 1% of the time I complain but it never makes me feel any better!

I never ever comment on my own daughters appearance other than in positive terms.

I would like to be thinner but who doesn't? I'm not 'fat' fat. I'm normal for my height and my work colleagues think of me as slim.

When my mum asked me whether I was pregnant I was massively pre-menstrual - bloated and not feeling very receptive to critical comments! I'm 47 and single so not terribly likely to be pregnant.

I would never dream of opening a conversation about someones weight unless I felt I really had to because it was someone I was responsible for (a child or possible a partner) or because they were hinting that they wanted to talk about it. So I find it incredibly intrusive when my mum has this little poke at me every time she sees me.