paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife ·
16/08/2012 23:52
Have posted a few times of the last couple of years about now soon to be exH.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1194914-Help-me-stop-destroying-my-marriage-please
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1370575-So-fecking-angry
Posted this on the EA thread a few nights ago but feel I need my own to help me rationalise all thats gone on over the last few months in particular...
Have been hiding in denial for long enough. I started a trial seperation from H 4 months ago, after finding c/card receipt from his secret lunch with his 21yr old asst manager. We've had issues for the past 18m at least over his excessive texting (her) emotionally detaching from me, and long term EA getting much worse recently. I left him 2 months ago, moved out of our marital home with our 4 DC's, and he proptly had staying overnight in secret, even when our DC's were staying overnight upstairs in bed. He still denies anything has happened, and that I'm crazy, unstable, controlling etc. (Of course I was unhappy about his works Christmas party, there were no partners invited and I knew she wanted my husband and was trying her best to get him.) Have been told today by a colleauge of his, that they were at a meeting together recently and made other people embarassed by their giggling and playing with each others phones etc. God, it still feels like a knife through the heart.
I knew it was over at Easter when i spoke on phone to girl and asked her if she actually wanted my husband? She said yes she did. DH was angry at me for verbally attacking her. I did calmly ask her if she thought an uneducated cheap tart like herself could keep him happy for long. She screamed abuse down the phone at me. Really was the end even though i tried to reconcile for a few weeks longer during a trial seperation.
I just want to know, even when you know that they are killing you emotionally, and that you've done the sensible thing detaching from them, when does the hurt stop? 
I still have days when all I want to do is cry. I don't miss the man he is now, I miss the man I married, who changed when our first DC was born and became cruel and heartless over the last couple of years.
Our divorce is not in the least amicable, it's nasty and bitter, and i hate it when he calls with the DC's to say goodnight like tonight, and DD2 is crying saying 'mummy, I want to sleep at your house tonight.' I know she's tired and emotional and therefore tearful but it's like a form of torture. I'd be upset if they didn't ring to say goodnight though.