26 and no sex life at all

[sarahmia]

Im 26 and my dh is the same. Been married for 6.5 years and together 11.5. We have 2 dd's and one on the way in 5 weeks. I've been pregnant on and off with some very sad outcomes for the last 3 years. And suffice to say my body feels it, weight wise and ehm other wise! I feel less than sexy and have zero interest in sex. He's stopped trying and I feel awful. It's constantly on my mind and it's taking it's toll on our marriage. Obviously. What I'm most concerned about is that right now it's actually hard for me to have sex but I'm scared that when it comes to when we can have sex finally again It will be strange and awkward. It's been so long and I know he won't initiate it cos hel be scared of rejection understandably. I'm really worried I've ruined my marriage by being a fat uninterested cow :(

I'm 28 with 2 ds of 10 months and 3 yrs I understand ur feelings about ur body but ur man prob don't c u that way. I find the more u do it the more u want it and when you have the baby and feel healed, to initiate it and see how u feel your sex drive will return in time

First, talk to your H. Your body and your hormone system have taken a right bashing, from the sound of it, and it is not surprising that your libido has shut down for the moment. But if you can reassure your H that you still love him and that you want to solve the problem (the problem is within the marriage, it's not your fault and nor is it his), then you stand a good chance of fixing things.

Thanks guys, my H is Not very good at talking about his emotions.. It can end up being a really awkward conversation. Cos I have tried before. Is it wierd if I email him? I just feel like I've neglected him and our marriage for so long...

It does need to addressed. Email is not weird if you feel you will be better able to express yourself. You've had a hard time and it does take its toll on your body. Tell him how you feel and take steps to resolve it. It is possible.

The more I think about it the more I realise it's about how I look, feel so gross and fat that I don't like being touched. Once this baby comes out need to take care of my body

Don't put yourself down.

I'm also 26. My DS is now 4. You have been through a lot by the sounds of it.

All I can advise is that even if you don't feel comfortable having sex yet - talk to him about it. Make sure you keep up the physical contact - kisses, cuddles, spooning etc if that's what you want.

Trust me u will both feel so much better for it & with the pressure off once u r open u might be surprised & feel ready for something more intimate.

As for low sex drive I was horny during 2nd trimester - then when DS was born i had a very low sex drive which has increased over time from when he was about 2 onwards & now I can't really get enough of him - I'd never had a particularly high sex drive! It still surprises me!

You have a lovely family together, just talk to him. You will be glad u did & so will he.