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Relationships

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Friend with Benefits - uncomplicated?

12 replies

ginnyjeans · 15/08/2012 20:34

Do you think it's possible for a woman not to become emotionally involved with a friend with benefits?

Can it really be that uncomplicated?

Have you ever had one?

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum99 · 15/08/2012 20:36

I think you can fuck people and not get emotional about it (i have done this) but they weren't my friends. If there was a frienship, i woudlnt want to complicate it with "benefits" because i think i would become emotional

Vagabond · 15/08/2012 20:39

I think it's impossible. Unless the sex is rubbish.

chirpchirp · 15/08/2012 20:48

On the odd occasion it can work, but I think it's rare.

It also depends entirely on the circumstances. The one occasion that it did work it was with more of an aquaintce than a friend. We were both in a place where we didn't want a relationship, both knew exactly where we stood with each other and were respectful about it. I.e - no 2am phone calls etc.

However I also attempted it with someone I cared about and well and truly got my heart broken. If it's a friendship you value, it's not worth risking it.

RecklessRat · 15/08/2012 21:04

It can work, I've done it, at times in my life when I was absolutely definite I didnt want to be in a committed relationship, because I was busy focusing on my own life and career.

After a certain amount of time it's inevitable that some element of emotions creeps in, on one side or the other. Thats when you end it and walk away.

I never attempted it with an existing friend, as that would make it too emotionally complicated, but had several FWB-type relationships with people I met.

If you're both completely clear and honest with each other about what you want and what your boundaries are, both at the beginning and on the way through, it can work well. You both need to like and respect one another too, to enable the honesty.

Actually that's a bit harder to find in a sexual partner than you might think, but if you can then it can be great fun and actually really liberating.

Probably worth pointing out it only worked for me in my thirties, when I was grown up enough and emotionally experienced enough to be able to deal with it.

epeesarepointythings · 15/08/2012 21:22

I've done it once, in my early 20s actually, and it worked well - but only because we were both completely honest about what we wanted and what the ground rules were. The sex was great, the friendship was great. Eventually he met someone serious and called time, and that was it - but we stayed friends. It's still an episode that provides me with only happy memories.

delilahlilah · 15/08/2012 21:23

It works as long as neither of you wants any more out of it..... being sure of that is the hard bit!

AKissIsNotAContract · 15/08/2012 21:26

I had a few FWB when I was younger. One I got very attached to and thought I was in love with. I think it was just because he was an amazing fuck. Despite that, I'd still say go for it. I look back now with happy memories of great sex.

akaemmafrost · 15/08/2012 21:28

I've tried but I can't do it. I have to really like someone to have sex with them in the first place. So that doesn't really work with it bring NSA. I always fall in love with them Blush.

bloodyfurious · 15/08/2012 21:30

I've only tried it once - we are currently expecting dc3.

Inneedofbrandy · 15/08/2012 21:30

It is very hard when the sex is the most amazing you've ever had. If you can separate sex and emotion it could work. Iv'e tried it and failed it was my epiphany relationship and I stopped liking cunts after.

EclecticShock · 15/08/2012 21:38

I think it's rare...

bloodyfurious · 15/08/2012 21:38

Let's face it - I fell in love with DH when he gave me the most gentlest, nervous peck one day.we were never going to be friends with benefits.

Best thing I ever did though :).

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