Aspergers and sex

[IWant2BASpiceGirl]

Hello. I wondered if anyone had any experience of this.

My bf of 2 years has AS. I've noticed recently another 'obsessive' ritual and I wondered if anyone had also gone through it or could offer some support/advice.

He seems to be checking porn websites everyday. Let me explain:- he'll go upstaits (normally when he goes to the toilet) Sorry TMI, I know - and check a few websites I knows he a member of. He doesn't wank and he always tells me that he doesn't watch porn when I'm in the house - so I was thinking is 'check' different in his mind to watch. We've talked about it in the past and he always says porn is different to sex. We have a good sex life, I'm happy - but this ritual 'checking' - I just find it a bit odd. Is it part of his AS or is it actually an addiction and nothing to do with that? Help....

[Otherwise just want to add - we're happy - talking about the future as in; long term - saving for a deposit etc]

Thanks in advance.

S

Could be part of AS, but I (personally) don't see it as a problem? Is it because you find it a bit odd that it bothers you? He may well not see it as any different to checking other websites.

He may have got himself into a routine of this while single and routines are hard to break for people with AS.

If it bothers you, talk to him and see of he is willing to break the routine (with help) but expect anxieties and stress for him if you want him to do this

If it doesn't bother you leave it be

I don't understand why he lies. I suppose that's the part that bothers me. He so brutally honest the rest of the time. I think you're right though - I think this is just ritualistic. Thanks for your thoughts. They're helpful :)

Does he "lie" about it, or just not tell you? I find it a big difference (which may not make sense in a NT way!). I will ritually check email/websites in a particular order of a morning (normally in the toilet!), but that's like my 'quiet time'. I did have a very ritualistic erotic site checking period, but I got bored of it! Maybe its similar?

Hmm. Well I have Aspergers (Not diagnosed yet but have assessment next month) and I do the ritual checking too. It gets so consuming sometimes that I can't do anything else, it's quite scary.

I personally wouldn't be happy about it being anything porn related but if he's not using it instead of being intimate with you, and you are genuinely ok with him checking those sites then I guess that's fine - the lying is not though.

NOT excusing the lying but personally, because of my sub par 'mind reading' ability (IYSWIM - I am referring to social cues etc rather than psychic ability!), I find uncertainty very difficult and need to be told something absolutely unequivocally for me to believe it. Perhaps he is lying because he is not certain that you are ok about the sites themselves? Again I am not saying that lying is ok, but if you are truly not bothered by the erotic sites, it might help if you tell him that in no uncertain terms that you don't mind him doing it as long as he is honest about it?

I dont know if it's a lie or 'not telling me'.

We made a rule when we moved in [which was a year ago] that as long as I wasn't in the house - then obviously, I had no problem with what he got up to. Sometimes I ask him You don't watch porn when I'm in the house do you? And he'll always say - not since we made our 'rule' - but I know he looks at these 'sites'. (Browsing history etc) - So does he see his sites as ritualistic checking up or is he lying and actually a bit of a porn addict. I don't know...

Yeah he does make time for me and our sex life - he does need a bit of a kick up the arse every now and again - but no other complaints.

See, it sounds to me like he's not actually watching porn, but is just checking the sites - literally that, checking them.

Yeah...I think you're right.