So just how does one go about 'having counselling ?

[GoingforGoingforGOLD]

deep breath

Dp and I have been stuggling

Things haven't been good for probably a couple of years

I don't think I've actually been massively happy for longer

So, if I google 'relationship counselling' how do I know I'm going to find someone reputable?

An added complication is that we've got no spare money whatsoever

And we live in a really rural area where I guess it's just not that easy to access services, even if we had the money and time :(

the best thing is a personal recommendation.
Failing that check that the counsellor has proper credentials and is registered with a professional association, the BACP.

A website to search local counsellors is www.counselling-directory.org.uk/ this will give you basic qualifications, professional bodies and special interests.

Do a telephone interview....it is fine not to "click" with someone, even if they are supposed to be good. I would talk to at least 3 and have a list of questions ready so you can compare them directly.

Don't stick with a counsellor if you think you have made the wrong choice....you are allowed to walk away.

Relate has some bursaries for people who have financial constraints, so you could try the local relate counsellors first.

best of luck

Thanks foolonthehill, I'll have a look at that link

What sorts of questions should I ask? I don't really know what we need or want. Dp is extraordinarily self conscious and introverted, also pretty scathing about stuff like this.

We don't have financial constraints as such, we both work full time. but three lots of maternity leave in five years, childcare costs and the

purchase of a house has left us short, if not actually destitute

I'll have a look at the link

Thank you

I think it can be very hard to determine if a counsellor is "right" onthe phone.

The kind of questions you might ask are- how long do they work with clients- some do a "solution focused" type of counselling with is 6 weeks. Others prefer you to work longer term. Some work on psychodynamic lines, others in a "person centred" way.

Many will have their own websites and if there is jargon just ask them what it means!

Second the advice to choose from the BACP site, relate, or the Counselling Directory.

Just had a quick look at that website

Surprisingly there are quite a few in this area

I've just looked at the websites for a couple and typical fees are around £55/60 per session

We can't afford that. Not even to save our relationship

So there's that idea out the window

don't let the cost on the website put you off. most therapists/centres will have a second, reduced rate for those who cannot afford the full rate (many people can't). IME the rate is always negotiable to some degree. work out what you can afford, call them and see what they say.

Goingfor, I pay my therapist £40 a session so it can be done for a bit cheaper. I just googled psychotherapists in my area and emailed her to make an appointment. Totally agree with others that it's fine not to 'click' with your therapist/counsellor, not everyone works well together so see how you feel on the first appointment. It's important to ask if the therapist has experience offering couples/relationship counselling, rather than just individual appointments. I hope it works out for you.

When I had counselling, it was the most important thing apart from food, so I found a way (visa!) and there are also cheaper alternatives around if you look hard as people have said. Where there's a will there's a way. Though one of my reduced fee experiments (group therapy) was a bit of a disaster, so be discriminating too, whatever the price.

Agree with others - phone can give an idea, first meeting even better and see if you click. I also think its OK to change your counsellor if you have outgrown what they can offer.

I would also reccommend trying to negoiate on fees. Some counsellors will do a first shorter session free to see if you "click" or will reduce fees if they have a trainee with them (who is also paying them). Relate have reduced fees for low incomes - you may have to wait longer, take more random times or have a trainee. Some churches do cheap marriage courses.

This book has a program of exercises and questionnaires to work through to see if you can reconnect.www.amazon.co.uk/Too-Good-Leave-Bad-Stay/dp/0718141776

www.amazon.co.uk/Too-Good-Leave-Bad-Stay/dp/0718141776

Thanks all

I have recently been looking into free counselling due to money constraints and found a surprising amount by Googling "free counselling in 8rubber'shometown". There was a charity called Marriage Care who work on a donations-only basis for couples counselling. Good luck, if you really want it you will find it.

Sometimes the company you work for will pay ( for 6 sessions)It may just be public sector though. Worth asking.