i need help dealing with ex husband

[watchoutforthatsnail]

I posted this a few days ago ( to give short back story)

Dd is 6.5. Usually sees her dad everyother weekend. He's forces and lives an hour and a half away.

He's just had her for 21 days. With a break of 3 days inbetween as I thought dd was too young to go a whole 3 weeks without Seeing me.

10 Days ago, via text we agreed that the next time he would have her is the 31 aug.

Today, the day I got her back he's started telling me he is having her next weekend. That I'm selfish. That I'm not thinking of dd, that he's got his lawyer on speeddial ( unlikely Seeing as he couldn't even afford one for our divorce ans did a diy one) and that hes going for redincencey.

This has Been building for a while, hes been behaving awfully. Ie, he asked me to remind him on payday about dd's school uniform. When I did I got ' piss off stop trying to micro manage me' and then a ton of abuse, even though he had asked me too! And did recognise he had asked!!

Also he's not told me what time hescollevting dd on a Friday. He had a new job, I said anytime was ok,but to let me know. He Didny, couldn't get hold of him. Took dd to after school activities, gave her dinner, her upset, he gets cross said it wasn't important and flips me the Bird.

He's also in the army, so away on tours/ exercise, Its impossible he would be granted residency. In fact, due to the distance even shared residency isn't possible.

I've seen dd for 3 days of the holidays, shes not seen any of her friends.

Now, despite me telling him Sunday, both verbally and by Text, he has text everyday saying ' I will pick dd up Friday and bring her back Saturday, talk soon'

Each time I have replied that no, as ive previously stated he isn't hsvibg her this weekend.

Clearly he's planning on turning up, driving an hour 20 mins each way. I don't want a sceen on my doorstep, that's not good for dd. But I feel scared to go out and leave the house unattended. I'm thinking he will be very cross.
Obviously this is scare tactics and he's trying to bully me.

What do I do?

Nice man, not.

Go see a Lawyer, today if possible, you should get 30 mins free for advice.

Advise Lawyer what he is doing, she will write to him, have 999 on standby for "angry outburts" stay strong, think what you would like for dd regarding visits, then make this clear to your Lawyer.

If you don't want her to go, she does not go. Lock your doors on Saturday or get out and away from the house around the time he is arriving or have 999 on speed dial.

Please do not be scared of his bully tactics.

What Mellower said. Have a chat with a Solicitor. It's what they're there for.

Make sure you are out if you are expecting him to turn up at the weekend. The last thing your DD needs is Daddy outside shouting that he wants her to come with him and Mummy inside hiding.

I will go out, I'm not subjecting dd to that. What beggars belief is that he would, and thinks such tactics are a way to behave.

I know It's not, but I have to admit I'm scared. Im 5'2 hes 6'4 and was physically and emotionally abusive.

I know what I have to do but am scared to do it, if that makes sense.

Yes, go out on Friday, then he cannot have her anyway, she isn't there. Get advice asap please.

It makes perfect sense.

Did you every tell anyone about the abusive ?

Tell your Solicitor.

*abusive behaviour?

Yes. Of course.

I cant get to see a solicitor immediately either.

How soon can you see one? Approximately?

You can still go out on Friday.

I Will still go out Friday.
I really shouldn't have to though, should I.

Ive text him again this morning, telling him, as previously stated, numerous times since Sunday, and as previously agreed with him, he's not having dd this weekend.

That driving here, causing a sceen on my doorstep Will frighten and confuse dd and It's not in her best interested.

That I will not subject dd to this and for this reason we Will not be in.

That's ok, isn't it?

Except he has replied that it will be good for dd to do this activity sat and he will pick her up Friday.
He's just totally ignoring me.

I don't know what to do.

Do your plan! Will be the silly twats own fault when he turns up on Friday and you're not there anyway. Could you have someone come back with you when you return in case he's waiting around and turns nasty? And agree keep your phone charged and on you in case you need to call 999.

Hope you have a lovely day out with your daughter :)

Bit of a shot in the dark, but if he's in the armed forces is it possible to contact his superiors? Especially if he's starts up with abuse after realising you aren't going to back down over visitation.

I think you should go away all weekend and ensure you have someone with you on Sunday when you hand over DD. He could be very angry and it is a potentially explosive situation.

First a solicitors letter stating there is to be no direct contact other than via email to discuss access arrangements for daughter.

You need to get a clear schedule place for access and not deviate from this plan. So no three weeks in a row. Plan a two week holiday each in the summer. A

I would also to a calendar of payments for anything ordered above CSA. If you don't have a CSA order sort that out so there is no further discussion about money.

Good luck.

I'm not Handing her over on Sunday. Shes now with me till the 31st

In any case if at any point I could see he was ' potentially explosive' I would not hand dd over.

I can't go away all weekend, I can't afford to and It's not practical.

A clear schedule isn't possible, because of his work. I have been felxiable to accomadate this.

What about telling him that he cant have his daughter this weekend, as you have already made plans, but that you need to maybe revise the arrangements, and then sit and talk about it and come to some agreement?

Ive tried telling him that. We do actually have plans and have done for a while.

Coming to an agreement, with a man whos treating me as above. LOL. Yeah...

Tell this knob that all contact is going to be managed via your solicitor in future and because of his unreasonable behaviour, any communications from him must be via email. That if he appears on the doorstep you will call the police to remove him, that phone calls and texts will not be answered, and that you will see him in court.
Don't be afraid of him, he doesn't have superpowers, and he is not above the law.

I misunderstood when you said 'telling him Sunday both verbally and by text, he has text saying Friday.'

Tbh his wok arrangements are not your problem. Other than a clear schedule these things are likely to happen again.

Don't be afraid of him, he doesn't have superpowers, and he is not above the law.

I like this. Keep reminding yourself of this OP!