I want to leave.

[DoubleCactus]

That's it really, I want to leave my partner. I have to wait a year though. So I have 12 months of misery ahead of me.

I hate him and I hate myself. I feel sorry for and guilty about our DC.

I wish I wasn't in this mess. Eeeurgh, don't need anyone to reply to this, just wanted to write it down.

Why do you need to wait a year? That sounds like absolute torture. Are you sure there's nothing you can do before then?
Don't feel guilty about DC, you sound so unhappy, they will be better off with parents who are living fulfilled, secure happy lives.

Why do you need to wait a year?

Because I'm a coward really. I have a really busy year a head of me, I am in the final year of my degree. I just can't see how I would cope/graduate without the childcare that is supplied by him. I know it's pathetic.

I can't deal with the uproar at the moment. I just have to wait. I need to sort out money etc too. I love our home but there is no way I would be able to stay here without the rent being split. I will have to somewhere cheap and grotty.

All depends on how he'd react to you wanting to split. Do you think he'd be reasonable or vengeful?

How old are DCs? Do you have support nearby for help with childcare? If things are fairly amicable, you may find you actually have more time to study if he's having frequent contact.

Maybe somewhere smaller, still lovely but with a much happier atmosphere?

You sound so trapped, even looking into cheaper rental options/childcare help etc might make you feel that there's light at the end of the tunnel. You may even find you can get out more easily and sooner than you think.

Don't underestimate how draining staying could be - for all of you. Although there's a lot of admin around leaving, you may actually find it energising to be doing something about your situation.