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Original poster

Just wish i fancied him :-(

23 replies

NeedlesandPins · 14/08/2012 19:21

Met a guy online, chatted for couple of weeks saw his pics and thought he looked nice. We then exchanged numbers and were getting on really well flirting etc. i told him i was pregnant he didnt bat an eyelid and then we met.....

Its just his mannerisms, he's quite plain looking and a bit eccentric, nothing like the guys i go for but really wanted to give him a chance.

Now had three dates and i still dont fancy him, could this change? He clearly likes me a lot and says he wants to support me and my baby. Is this weird?

Please give me some advice ladies.

OP posts:
BlueMoon74 · 14/08/2012 19:24

Nope, if you don't fancy him now, you never will. Sorry! Could be a fab friend though? :)

solidgoldbrass · 14/08/2012 19:26

FFS, don't try to start a relationship with someone you don't fancy just because you are desperate. It will be awful. It will be even more awful if the man fancies you and has offered to 'support' you. Basically he will be expecting you to suck cock constantly out of sheer gratitude; he's probably used to targeting vulnerable women.

MsKayGee · 14/08/2012 19:41

Just three dates and he's saying he wants to support you and your baby???

Red Flag!!!

Mumsyblouse · 14/08/2012 19:50

Just end it now before it gets harder to extricate yourself. I think three dates with a man you don't fancy is plenty.

Original poster
NeedlesandPins · 14/08/2012 20:07

Yes agree with you mumsyblouse just thought someone would think im being shallow .

Solidgoldbrass Do i come across as desparate??? Maybe we suit each other Sad

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 14/08/2012 20:42

It's fine to be single. It's much better to be single than in a relationship with someone who isn't suited to you. I hope you're not desperate, but if you are seriously contemplating a relationship with a man just because he's offering one even though you are not attracted to him then that does sound a bit desperate.

Mumsyblouse · 14/08/2012 20:45

It certainly isn't shallow to want to fancy your partner, indeed I'd say it was essential.

AtLeastThatsWhatYouSaid · 14/08/2012 21:50

Really OP?

I understand it must be scary being pregnant and doing it alone, your feeling vulnerable. That's ok but are you seriously wanting a relationship with a man you barely know, don't fancy at all, all just because he has offered to raise the baby as his own?

While this sounds harsh I have had a few glasses of wine you are setting yourself up for massive problems if you continue down this road.

As others have said, better to be on your own than to settle for anyone.

Original poster
NeedlesandPins · 15/08/2012 14:46

Yes I do agree with what everyone as said here and yes it does sound desperate now I have just re-read my initial post.

I just know that some people have said in dating the attraction didnt always appear straightaway and love grows etc......or "I didn't like him at first" I just thought maybe if I gave him a chance he might grow on me but if I am honest with myself I dont think this will happen Sad

The ones I actually do fancy let me down and I just want to meet somebody who is kind and loving but also that I am attracted to at same time.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 15/08/2012 14:48

Fair enough to want to meet someone who is both nice and sexually attractive to you, but do be careful when you are in a vulnerable state. A man who 'wants to look after you' after one date is almost certainly dodgy. Either he's desperate or he considers women to be objects and wants to buy himself one.

JennerOSity · 15/08/2012 14:49

3 dates and wanting to support you and baby - that's crazy! Even if he was thinking he might be up for it in the end - that's one hell of a thing to say to someone when you barely know them. Empty promises are not good and it can't be a solid promise at this stage in the game even if he thinks it could go that way eventually, it is way too early to be able to say that with confidence. Shock

Original poster
NeedlesandPins · 15/08/2012 15:02

I think its more what SolidGoldBrass says that he is kind of desperate to keep me for some strange reason.....he does come across as a bit weird in a geeky way to me.

His ex dumped him straight after giving birth to his own child and said he couldn't see his own baby, I think thats why he wants be with me......and really when I think about it is very wrong not to mention weird.

I just hope he doesn't turn weird on me now as he knows my address Shock

OP posts:
broodyandpoor · 15/08/2012 15:06

I think you need to let him down asap, enjoy your baby and hopefuly you'll meet a lovely person who you fancy the pants off of!

TheOriginalNutcracker · 15/08/2012 15:09

It won't work unfortunatly.

My on and off relationship of a few mths has just ended because I was basically kidding myself. He was a nice bloke, kind, generous, nice to my kids etc, but I just didn't fancy him, at all, and I couldn't keep up the pretence.

JennerOSity · 15/08/2012 15:09

With someone like that it might be easier to give him an irrefutable reason why you are exiting the 'relationship' - like tell him you are seeing someone else, or you don't want a relationship until the baby is older. If you say you aren't keen anymore he may want to persuade you?

MissFaversam · 15/08/2012 15:11

His ex dumped him straight after giving birth to his own child and said he couldn't see his own baby

I wonder why she did that OP?

Now he wants to look after yours?

You don't fancy him, sounds like he sort of gives you the creeps to be honest or is that just me

Dump honey.

scentednappyhag · 15/08/2012 15:15

From what you've said, he sounds a bit fishy to me.
If you don't fancy him, just cut your losses.

Do you really think he might turn weird?

FreakoidOrganisoid · 15/08/2012 15:23

I didn't fancy my boyfriend until our 5th date, just really liked him and enjoyed spending time with him. I was going to end it on our 5th date but somewhere between the 4th and 5th i realised that i didn't actually want to end it and did actually fancy him.

However had he said at any point during the dating period that he wanted to support me and my dc I would have run a mile!

Also the fact you mention his mannerisms and the fact he is eccentric suggest its more than just not fancying him - I really liked everything about my boyfriend, he was just skinnier than I'd normally be attracted to.

Original poster
NeedlesandPins · 15/08/2012 15:23

No I don't scentednappyhag, I think he's just a lonely guy looking for the right one but unfortunately its not me.

Yes he does give me the creeps as he is overboard nice but some men, like women try hard if they feel the need to. I am not making excuses for him because at the end of the day I don't fancy him.

Yes I need to get rid.....have told him I don't fancy him though his reply was 'his heart was broken' Hmm

OP posts:
teaandthorazine · 15/08/2012 15:54

'Not fancying him' really isn't the problem here - it's his frankly creepy desperation. I didn't fancy dp on our first date, and when I turned up for the second I saw him across the road and actually thought 'oh nooooo'. By the third I was hooked Grin.

But I'd have turned around and ran if he'd said he wanted to support me and ds...

You can't fix his past, nor should you try. He has ishooos and you really don't want to go there, do you?

MissFaversam · 15/08/2012 16:03

His heart was broken? Blimey OP after 3 dates. Just goes to show you how odd he is.

JennerOSity · 15/08/2012 16:06

heart broken ffs! He sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a toddler. Hmm

I don't suffer fools gladly so would have had what I thought of that comment written all over my face and that would be the last contact I had with him really. If he is saying that sort of thing to be flattering he is a condescending fool - if he was serious he is more than a bit odd!

Dryjuice25 · 15/08/2012 17:56

If, he is African , I find this "...will look after you ....." usually made probably out of good intention and they do think they are in love quite quickly ......some kind of ingrained cultural nuance, I guess.

However if you don't fancy him now it might never happen.....I got the bloody t-shirt

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